A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok.... My girlfirend...who i love so dam much, and we are as strong as ever....I made her quit smoking after being with her and smokes for about 8months...i had enough of it by then and she knew i didnt like it.we talked...she told me she had no problem with quiting for me.now its been a year...shes started again...and in full force. ive had enough of it so i said...take your pick..me or smokes.she thinks she can just smoke behind my back and ill never get effected by it our whole lives together...but she doesnt understand that i care about her health, my health, and i dont like the smell or effect it has on her teeth etc...everything about smoking is bad, she says she doesnt want to stop because she likes it and because it relives stress when im not around,, i see her everyday though! i think thats a bad excuse and she knows it!I have provide so so much support for her and im willing to help her, but now she just deffinetly doesnt want to stop...so is this something im going to have to deal with which im really certain i cannot stand?Or do i have a right to not want this around me and shes not being considerate? Or should i just go find someone else who doesnt smoke...as hard as that would be for me...Please help me, I need advice!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008): Indeedy Askoldersis,
It is very hard to break away from the addiction of nicotine. To illustrate my point. My mother has emphyesma, she is currently in hospital again, why? Cause she cut down drastically but still has two cigarettes a week, she just can't stop. My mother will die soon, but I smoke as well, the reality of death doesn't stop you. Nicotine is a very powerful drug. I've had addicts tell me then can get off heroin but they find giving up cigarettes impossible. Once when my mother was in hospital, she asked me to bring her a cigarette to give to her friend. I was so surprised when this tall, youngish man came out carrying a drip. He had cancer, he planned to use the cigarette through the hole in his throat, he was dead a week later..
This is the nature of the addiction, she can't just stop because you tell her too. The aunts and uncles are right. Gentle persuasion, asking her to keep herself smelling fresh, refusing to allow her to smoke next to you, that's all that you can do. She will stop when she has the strength to, and if you can't cope with it, you really must leave her and find someone else.
She needs you to help motivate her, your nagging and threats really won't help.
A
female
reader, destiny23  +, writes (1 October 2008):
 hiya!
as an ex smoker myself, i can understand where your coming from, i've stopped smoking nearly 2yrs but my fiance still smokes and im always going on at him to stop and im never done emptying the ashtray because i absolutely hate the smell of it now.
you cant make your girlfriend stop smoking its something she has to want to do herself, even after nearly 2yrs i still get cravings sometimes to have a smoke unless you've been a smoker yourself you dont actually realise how hard it is to stop, it takes really good will power.
Best wishes xx
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 October 2008):
My husband smoked when I met him.
I HATE SMOKE. It smells and it hurts my contact lenses and it's disgusting.
So I told him. He can smoke any time he wants, but if he smokes around me then he cannot kiss me, or come near as he'll stink.
Given the choice between a cigarette and me snogging his face off he didn't smoke.
Using this method he cut down. He didn't quit all together for ages and ages but I didn't have to deal with it, and once his sense of smell came back it got easier for him to quit.
Don't tell her to quit, it's not fair and it's controlling. Give her a pretty damn good incentive to quit and it just might work.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, -S  +, writes (1 October 2008):
You have some kind of right as a concerned partner. You can ask her to stop smoking but not for you, for her. It kills people.. Everyone knows that. You can try explaining it to her (you know, lung cancers, gangrene, emphysema, etc) and then asking her to quit because you couldn't live without her.
Hope it helps.
-S
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008): im a male, heavy smoker, 22 years of age. been smoking for 9 years. my ex girlfriend HATED my smoking. she said the same things as you.
the more you tell her not to smoke the more she wants to. at least thats always how it made me feel.
my new girlfriend has no problem with it and supports me through whatever im going through. i even tried quiting for the first time recently lasted a week (i know a weaks nothing but i usually last a day!) when i failed at a week she congratulated me on making it that far and told me she was proud of me for giving it a good go.
one has to want to quit for themselves. not anyone else....
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