A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm not quite sure how to put this, so I'm gonna do my best. From the beginning. When I was younger, I used to have a lot of fun with my friends. We'd play and talk and have all sorts of adventures together. One such game we used to play involved tying each other up, in what we now see as very provocative positions. For the as long as I can remember, I was always a kind of sweet child but with a cruel streak that showed up every now and then. As I got older, I became not so innocent and started acting and saying things that had a sexual undertone to them. I dated one guy who was appalled at the idea of hurting me in anyway, and hat broke us apart. I noticed a darker side of myself that craved things that weren't conventional. I don't quite know how to balance that out in my life. I'm nervous that people will think I'm weird or something if I tell them. Which makes dating people odd because even though they may be a good person, I'm not getting what I want. I kind of want to talk with my mom about this but I don't know how she'll react when she hears. I have a boyfriend now but I don't know how to explain to him what I like. How do I go about telling this to him or my mom or anyone? And is this even healthy or am I just some weird person with a high tolerance for pain who doesnt care for sweet romantic stuff?Thanks for your advice! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010): Well a lot of people aren't into the whole "lovey dovey" thing, i'm definitaly not. I personaly can't bear chick flicks or valentines day, makes me want to puke lol but each to their own.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010): What 'feels' like it comes naturally, is a part of 'who you are', and you feel you were 'wired this way' from birth... it is highly unlikely that any of these 'feelings' or impressions are true. You are likely inclined to this fetish because of something that has happened previously. This fetish (S & M) is considered abnormal psychology. Some people decide not to undo the puzzle of their life and find out why or how they are contoured the way they are... and they 'give into it' perhaps living unhealthy and unsatisfying lives. Living out a fetish or addiction can feel like a release... but when anything feels like a release... one must ask WHY? A release from what? In other words, it is often simply a matter of acting out.
The easy road would be to find someone who is like you and go for the gusto ... however this can be a slippery slope. If you want peace and stability with someone who is not mentally damaged... then undo the harm in your mind through professional help. Address it. Fix the broken part of you. The confused part of you. Addressing things require work up front... but pave the way to a good life free from living on the fringe.
I would run from someone who presented me with this. I'd probably never see them again. You can live with the fringe element, or go mainstream. The choice is up to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm more of a submissive person. I S & M interests me; it has for a for years now. And I don't mind sweet romantic things sometimes, I'm a sucker for red roses and candles, but for some reason sweet all the time or normal very nice, sensitive sweetness does not appeal to me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010): It's not that unusual, i mean look at all the S and M stuff on the internet. Do you mean you enjoy pain just during sex or is there more to it?
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A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (7 November 2010):
 Depends what you call sweet romantic stuff. Romantic stuff and pain are two entirely different things, you can't even compare them. You've got to look into your heart if you want to feel anything romantic. If you don't you may never have the benefit of feeling love. Or even being loved in this case. Love comes from the heart and soul and it's creativity from the mind.
Maybe it's probably a good idea to talk to your mom about it because it is a bit awkward if you enjoy giving pain. One day you could end up hurting someone and it could land you in deep sweet smelling shit.
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