A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi im writing to get some advice coz really don't know wat to do... I'm in a relationship for 2 years and still not sure whether he is the one... We've had great time but it hasn't started as I'd like it to start... We've met in a club and he didn't treat me seriously at the beginning. He told me later on that he's just planned to have a one night stand with me but when he noticed that it's not my cup of tea he began to commit and get involved more.It was difficult at the beginning and I tried to break up few times but just because I felt that he doesn't care much. Then it was alright and he has really changed for better. He keeps on repeating to me that he changed for me and how much he cares but the problem is me now... I don't know if I love him and for me it's a reason to finish this relationship. We fight a lot and usually because of small and silly things, then we(I) break up and he keeps on calling me, I start missing him and we get back to each other again. It happened few times already. He is alright with those arguments and says that every couple fights and he wants to be with me anw. It's just me now because I don't know what I feel and in order to finish this ordeal I try to break up and get over him. However it never works because he always rings and says that we have no reason to break up and he wants me to come back.I'm usually willing because I still feel something for him but donno whether it's worth it! I feel really confused because he tells me that I can leave him whenever I want - and I'll lose him for good then... I want to be at last sure of what I'm doing and don't feel guilty that I hurt him... But I need some independence too! I guess that I would be able to leave him if he wouldn't convince me and tell me that we have no reason to break up! He also tells me that he did a lot for me and when he finally changed for better I want to leave him and it makes me feel guilty! I really don't want to hurt him but I don't want to hurt myself either... I ask myself the question all the time but I'm not able to answer and break the stalemate! I'm afraid that I'll lose him forever and I'll want him back. I just can't predict what would happen in the future if we seperate... But this situation takes too much of my energy and I can't focus on anything - I just keep on wondering about my decision... Help!
View related questions:
one night stand Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThx for all the answers. They re really helpful! I think I know what i should do- it just doesnt work in practice... It really is easier said than done-and that's why im sooo fed up with myself... All of my friends know that every time we break up we get back anw-so i cant really look for comfort when im feeling down-they already know that Im unpredictable...The worst thing is that i still ve got some feelings to him- we ve spend almost every day either seeing each other or speaking on phone...it will be extremely difficult coz I forgot how it is to be alone...Moreover ive left my family home 2 yrs ago and Im staying in london now so he was the one that was sort of replacing my relatives and friends.Its gonna be difficult especially now- 2 days before the Valentines day...;/ but there always is some occassion that delays the break up-his birthday,Christmas etc...So it seems that now or never...Keep ur fingers crossed. And thx again!
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (12 February 2008):
 If you cannot answer that question , don't try because there is no answer to that question for now.
Call a time out or a break with him. You may need a few months or a year to find this answer.
Tell him , you want to explore the world first and experience many new things. You are not breaking up with him but you want to do those things that you like before you want to settle down. Asked for his understandings.
...............................
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (12 February 2008):
 You are pretty young to be committing your life to someone you are staying with out of guilt. If you are afraid of having no-one or of losing him that is a risk you really have to take. If you don't go out there and gain some independence at this tender age, when will you. You could marry the guy and 20 some years and kids later decide to do it but it will be extremely more difficult to do then and you will have pulled innocent people into your quandry.
Do not stay out of guilt and you do not owe this man anything. You gave it your best shot. So he did some changing for you. I don't think there are too many relationships where people don't do some changing for the other person. You are spending too much energy on this and when that happens, it's time to leave.
Good luck to you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): it sounds like faded love let me ask you this just because he changed for you does that mean you must sacrifice your happiness for him? It sounds as if you care about him but honestly having doubts about it is a big thing if you dont feel the same anymore you shouldnt feel guilty and if he really loved you he wouldnt have to "guilt trip you" into staying with him if he isnt the one that "rocks your world"then you shouldnt have to be with him you should not feel guilty feelings get hurt in relationships but for the most part they heal.and i wouldnt worry too much about missing him once he is gone do what you want to do,do what your heart is tellng you to do.-michael
...............................
|
