A
female
age
,
*ntonia
writes:Dear Cupid,I will sound like the most fickle person on the face of the planet when I tell you this. And you might say, "Well, paybacks a bitch isnt it?" I've been involved with a person in a friendship/dance relationship. We've ballroom danced together and worked on routines, went to dinner, dance events, etc. Early on, he was interested in me romantically. I wasn't sure at first what I felt but finally realized that I didn't have enough of those kinds of feelings for him and was honest with him about it. We went on to keep dancing and being closer friends and I think he was still hoping I'd come around. We shared past experiences, had some good talks, went to movies and it was fun. But eventually, things started to go sour. He's became distant now and I'm feeling the loss. We still talk, but not nearly as much as we used to. It's just very different now. He started seeing another woman in the dance community and I met her and she's very nice. And good for him. I should be happy for him. So, why on earth is it nagging at my heart? I see them together and get a pain in my stomach. I see him put his arm around her and my eyes well up. I go home and realize that I've lost something and I cry. I realize that this could just be that I'm feeling the loss of his attention. If I tell him how I feel, it might be too late anyway. And if is isn't and it damages his relationship with this person and then I realize that I don't really want him that way-- that would be a horrible thing to do. So, I can't do that. I just don't know why I'm hurting so much over this. It's nagging at me everyday. Do I feel more for him than I thought or is it just that I'm missing my friend that I shared some special times with? I'm sure I'm not the first woman to feel the "I didn't want him, but where is he?" thing. I'm just surprised at my tears. My eyes are stinging as I write this. Any advice would be appreciated. -feeling the loss Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Antonia +, writes (14 March 2007):
Antonia is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you CD206, for your reply. You make good sense.
I have to just bear it. Although it hasn't been years with this person, it will only be a year since we met next month.
But I guess I have invested more emotions in the relationship than I thought. We will be meeting to talk soon and I'm obsessing about what I want to say and what I shouldn't say. It feels like I won't have another chance after this.
Thanks again for your response.
A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (13 March 2007):
 To be honest I think that over the years him liking you has given you a much needed ego boost and made you feel good about yourself and now he's seeing someone else you're missing the special attention he gave you and feeling threatened by this new woman. I think that all you would achieve by telling him you had feelings for him would be hurting him and threatening his new relationship for feelings that might no longer be there if he breaks up with this new woman. Give yourself some time when you don't see him and are not in contact to think how you really honestly feel and if you're DEFINITELY in l;ove with him and wanting to pursue something then pick your moment carefully but give yourself time to think first. There's no sense in rushing it.
CD
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