A
female
age
51-59,
*hinny68
writes:I'm 41 years old, my husband and I have been married for 6 years, I knew when we got married he was into porn but thought he had gotten better, but here recently he got a new cell phone, and every time I look, when he's not expecting me to, its always some kind porn site, funny thing is he gets mad at me, my question is... is it ever going to stop or have I wasted 6 years for nothing? Do I end my marriage or keep letting him destroy my self esteem? It has a lot to do with how much he does love me but more about how much does he respect me and if he even cares?
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (5 October 2010):
 You "thought he was getting better"? Liking porn isn't like having a cold..it's an addictive turn on. Why can't you just get over it? It's a problem only if you make it one. The images on the screen are vapor they can't hurt you. Would a real affair be better?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010): I feel for you, I did leave my partner of 4 1/2 years for this exact thing, but he was addicted and it was ruining his life...i.e. interfering with work and our sex life. I do not regret leaving him over this as my life had become an emotional rollercoaster.
Porn is a powerful thing and just because your man is looking at it, does not mean he doesn't love you or your body. Remember, Christie Brinkley's husband was addicted and she is a model!
Sexual addiction is actually a chemical addiction. Powerful endorphines and various 'feel good' chemicals are released into your man's brain when the 'sex' center becomes stimulated. It is very hard for a man to quit using porn once he has formed a habit with it :( They don't look at it because they don't love you, or find you sexy, they look at it because it makes them feel good and forget about their worries for a while. Men like the little 'high' they get from their body.
You need to ask yourself, independent of anything your man has to say, "if nothing changes, can I be happy?" if the answer is no, then by all means leave! You will find happiness with someone else, and life is just too damn short to be miserable! If he can't or won't give it up, and you can't be happy with him if he is using...THEN LEAVE!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010): I really don't think you should let his porn watching impact your self-esteem. It's highly unlikely that his desire for porn has ANYTHING to do with something lacking in you. But, I do think you should be able to openly discuss with him your feelings on it in general.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (5 October 2010):
 It doesn't mean he doesn't respect you, guys have been brought up thinking porn is their right. It's an old habit that he probably didn't even think to change. Don't let him get angry at you for talking about it, that's a tactic 6 year olds use. If you've talked to him about it and he won't stop, you should try seeking some kind of marriage counseling perhaps. Or you could try giving him a little taste of his own medicine, by leaving around porn of guys with 6-packs who are very well-endowed and get angry at him if he so much as comments on it.
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