A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:why do guys do things the way they do , ive been chatting with a guy online for a while and we reached the point to delete our profiles even tho we hadnt met by that stage , weve arranged a few times a date but he keeps coming up with the most pathetic excuses to why we cant meet hes not a 'fit' 'attractive' guy ,but i like him no matter what and he knows this, unless hes extremely insecure i dont know why he wont meet. do the 'less than average looking' guys do this to make the girl fall / want them even more so much u like their personality you dont bother for looks ? i like his looks and most of his personality (i dont like the constant cancelling with the most stupid reasons) i feel like im being made to look like an idiot and ive told him this , he claims hes being honest and likes me so much so why would he cancel meeting ? an example of his reason is he didnt get much sleep and wants to go to bed , fair enough im tired i do a days work on not much sleep but if liked someone so much i would suggest meeting for half hour / hour just to get the first meet out of the way , i feel like giving up on him but i like him so much i dont know what to do any advice will be welcome , thanks
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 October 2015):
 How many times have he cancelled so far?
I kind of agree with WiseOwlE's 2 cancellation rule. Specially if there is no real reason behind it.
And I would also suggest that you DO NOT agree to deleting your profile till you have met in person and DATED for a while to see if you are a match OFFLINE as well as ONLINE. Like WiseOwlE said, people have an "online" personality which isn't always who they are in reality.
I DO think he is hoping to wheel you in enough that you aren't going to jump ship when you finally met. Maybe his profile picture is old? Or not him?
And I'm wondering if this guy has cancelled several times (more than 3) to met up if you are being played a little here. That he wants you to IGNORE it if you two have absolutely no chemistry when meeting up, because you will be SO busy trying to prove to this guy that look really don't matter to you.
But personality, and chemistry should matter and THAT you can't really discover without meeting.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2015): You should only allow people two excused-cancellations, and move on. Sometimes people just enjoy having someone to chat with, and then others are actually afraid to meet out of insecurity.
They feel they won't be interesting, good-looking enough, or they are just awkward in one-on-one situations.
You may also consider that he is seeing other women, but doesn't want to let go of you. Some will place perceived borderline prospects on hold; until their well of "better" prospects and "hopefuls" dries up. It could mean he's working on someone else, and not sure how things will turn out. You might be his preferred alternative.
You don't have any sort of commitment, just because someone discontinues their account or terminates a subscription to the dating site. They could be on many others. There are also cases where trolls and players feel you out; to see how desperate you are, and how anxious you get when you don't get timely responses, days of dead-air, or absolutely no responses at all.
Until you've met a guy, and you've established the fact that you're dating; he's just a contact. He has no obligation to you, and you have none to him. Don't attach feelings to anyone based on conversations; because a player will tell you whatever you want to hear, and create an online-persona with all the perfect attributes and character traits you want. They/you create a character based on what you've told him you want in a guy. They'll become that person in the virtual world; but could be totally different in reality. Over-cautious guys on-line are creepy! So take heed!
You have to meet to evaluate character, hear a voice, and see the full physical picture. You've got to pull the whole package together. He's not a person until you've met. He's a phone and/or online personality otherwise. Even if you've Skyped or seen a lot of pictures. Meeting someone tells more truth.
Don't say you don't care what he looks like. You do! You're just flexible in that area, and place more emphasis on personality. You might want a cute smart baby someday! Genes matter!
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