A
female
age
30-35,
*vory Smith
writes:I'm 23, and I am dating a married man, who is 35, for 8 weeks now. We haven't had sex yet, but we've been kissing, making out and stuff. However, he used to call me whenever he was free. But now, all he says after making out is "Call me!" Last time, which was yesterday, he said the same thing, and I said no. So, he got all angry, and said: "I said call me, so you have to call me." And him going all cold on me makes me feel like I am a slut. So, I don't know what to do. Shall I contact him, or let him call me???! Thanks in advance!!!
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kissing, married man Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 April 2017):
 Honestly he makes you feel like a slut because all he sees when he spends time with you is a toy. Some girl he would like to have sex with on his spare time. Some girl who he thinks is easy and then he will go home to his wife and show her the love. What is it you want from this man? You are holding back sex to try and grab his attention, but that is all he wants from you nothing more.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 April 2017):
 You can stay away and you CAN block his number. You just enjoy the drama too much not to.
What about his wife? His family? You think all this "fun" you are having is good for them? That it's OK? While YOU are not the one cheating on the wife - he is - you are a MORE than willing participant. Would you LIKE for someone else to do that to YOUR marriage at some point?
You need to GROW up and take responsibility for your own actions.
You are not some helpless damsel.
And if you have some kind of obsession with older men and you feel out of control, find a therapist sand deal with your past issues.
There is NO excuse for HIS or YOUR behavior in this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2017): A part of you is resisting him; you wrote a post because you wanted someone to stop you.
Your head is messed-up, and some sort of past abuse or trauma makes you seek that ugly part of your past. That trauma apparently involved a man who was close to you. I would even go as far as to say he may be related. Just speculation on my part.
Our words are just words on a screen; but hopefully we've planted a seed in your mind. The choice is yours, I won't waste my time trying to convince a hard-headed female not to screw-up her life.
You're on a self-destructive path; and only a licensed mental-health professional can help you now. Hope you find some help!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2017): He is married. He verbally abuses you. You need a therapist. You need to learn why you place no value on yourself. You deserve a man who is available and treats you well. Please get help so you do not repeat this again and you will without help. You can do better.....Learn to love yourself first and your eyes will open. Get rid of the married loser...You are just one of many he has used.Just think of his poor wife...She is the victim here not you. If he verbally abuses you like that I just bet he does way worse to her. And why oh why do you place so little value on yourself...You are better than that..Get help.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (20 April 2017):
 He's a married man and you're his mistress - with or without sex, you're not a "slut", but it's not surprising he treats you like one.
You can stay away, but you're choosing not to. You may find it easy to be charmed by older men, but that doesn't mean you have no control over it.
He's married, OP. Block him and find someone single, even if they're a bit older than you. A thing in the past doesn't make it okay for you to help destroy a marriage.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (20 April 2017):
 You can leave him alone, very easily.
Block his number and you can't contact him, problem solved.
You just DONT want to stop contacting him. This man will NEVER leave his wife for you, so what exactly could you gain from this arrangement? You're going to be used for sex and that is the ONLY time you're going to hear from him. So if you feel like a slut now from kissing him then I can only imagine you're going to feel a lot worse.
Surely you can find a single man out there?
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (20 April 2017):
 And him going all cold on me makes me feel like I am a slut. honey...your messing around with a married man-get real
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2017): Pretend you never met. Would you like your husband or boyfriend asking some female to call him?
Preserve your dignity and avoid the heartbreak of looking back five years from now and still being his piece on the side; while he's still married to her.
These guys usually pickup random women in bars and hookers on street corners. They have as much respect for you as they have for those women. They go home to their wives and expose them to whatever STD's or infections they contract from one-night stands and pickups. Condoms don't protect you from everything.
Imagine the lies he concocts to throw her off his trail. Can you trust a guy like that?
Delete his number, and date single and available men.
Think about how it would feel if some guy you loved was seeing other women behind your back. That's your karma!
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A
female
reader, Ivory Smith +, writes (19 April 2017):
Ivory Smith is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYah, but the thing is I can't stay away from him. And yes, I am vulnerable to older, bossy men because of a thing in the past. I want to make him more interested in me, while not having sex at least now.
And there is this thing, when calls me on the phone, he makes me feel like I am a total slut!!! And he doesn't trust me; he has mentioned on several occasions that I might be fooling around with other men too. But I just can't stay away. It feels like I am obsessed with him, and at the same time, I feel like I am a slut!!! :'(
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 April 2017):
Eh, why bother with this man?
1. he is married...
2. He is an ass...
Block his number and GO find yourself a nice single guy to date and make out with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2017): "Shall I contact him, or let him call me???!". Neither!!! There is no future for you in dating a married man. Take it from me as I have been there and done that. Find a single man with whom you can have a real give and take relationship. If you choose to continue this, be aware that the married man has all the power and you have none. Take back your power and end this now.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (19 April 2017):
 This "situation" is a classic no-win. Everyone loses in the end especially his current wife. You are the wild card that is about to ruin her life so what difference does it make?
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (19 April 2017):
 The reason why your guy is a married man is to stay married with his wife, which means he hasn't chosen to be married with you nor does he plan. Perhaps you are vulnerable or susceptible to authority of an older man, but if he had problems with his wife he would have left her a while ago so that, once he met you, he wouldn't be so bossy on you. My guess is that he is bossing you around because you mean nothing to him other then having sex. In case you did not know, lot of men, married included, will have sex with a woman if she makes it available, easy, meaningless and easy to get out of. What you describe stinks just like that.
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