A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:To all who divorced their husbands during their 30s and has grown old enough to look back on your life, do you regret your decision and wished you had tried harder (not the ones who were in an abusive relationship, just the ones who had a rough/shaky one to begin with)? What were your reasons for leaving and what would you have done differently? Do you still care for your ex-husband? I am on the verge of leaving my husband. He's my bestfriend. My reason is that I knew it was a mistake to be in a "marriage" to begin with when I had unresolved personal issues. I am finally having the courage to do something with the reality that what he wants and I want are two different things that I don't think I can compromise with, after all. It doesn't help that I have started feeling strongly for someone else and realized there may be something more for me out there than just settling for what is safe and predictable. Thus, no matter how much my husband tries to win me back with deeds and words, it's not working. My husband and I have had issues in the past on principles and dreams before we got married. I decided to give up on mine to make him happy thinking I would be happy nonetheless but I resented him for it now and it's my fault. Now, he's giving up his so I would stay but then what if he will resent me for it (not having kids). I'm not young enough to want kids later in life but I know definitely for sure that I don't want one with him now or not in the near 5yr plan. That other guy is no guarantee either and I've accepted the fact that I may lose both guys (one who loves me and one who I've fallen in love with) in this decision. But I am absolutely certain I need my space now and my husband is not willing to give me that so I am left with the decision to divorce him. I want my husband to be with a wife who is willing to give him everything he needs not bec. she wants to not someone who's there out of loyalty or gratitude. If I don't try and work on my personal issues alone now I will never appreciate what is in front of me and I can never love anyone else properly. I also fear I will hate my life and be even more depressed because I gave up on my own happiness. right now I am already feeling irritated but still sympathetic to my husband. I don't want to hurt him but I have no love in me to give either except concern (even that is fading) because I'm just too unhappy with the decisions I have made in the past to care about his happiness.My questions are: do you regret giving up a life of safe and secure love from someone you don't love anymore (possibly never did) but loves you completely? Or do you find that being alone in this world no matter how happy and proud you have grown on your own is worse because there is no one to share it with? Or was divorce a blessing because you actually met the man that was meant to be with you? Or it's not so bad to be unmarried, life has many other things to offer?What was it like to start over being a single divorced woman, without kids? How did you do it? How did you survive the loneliness? What other consequences did you have to face? How did you know it was time to end the marriage?I'm a Catholic and for me this is a very hard decision to reach but I am finding myself resolute in this matter. I am giving myself 1yr to make the final move, in the meantime I am doing my best to spend time with my husband and prepare financially/ house issues so he won't have to worry so much when i am gone and everything is in order. And in the event that I will grow to love him again. I think 10+ yrs is enough to waste already. I want to give him and myself a chance to be truly happy, not just settle. But were both scared of the unknown and I don't know if I'm making the right decision, even if my gut is screaming yes. There is a picture of a good marriage with him, if I let it, if I let myself follow his dreams because I know he will do his best to support me and our future kids and he will be a good partner. But that would mean giving up the things I wanted to achieve in life, giving up my own happiness for his and living with that decision till I die. Possibly giving up the chance to truly love and be loved by the right person. Or possibly giving up my chance to be a proud and independent woman capable of more things as a single woman.Thank you and I hope I get some enlightenment from one of you ladies.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 December 2014):
 You have certainly waited a long time....I saw your post but I figured you wouldn't want my advice since I have never been divorced and have been married for 39 years, 40 next April. We had good times and bad but never broke our trust in each other nor lost the love. We both had to alter our plans and some dreams to accommodate each other but it was always give and take, neither feels cheated or resentful. My advice is for you to sit down and think long and hard, are you better off, in all respects, with him or without him. Then act accordingly.
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