A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ok, I am confused. I am a female, divorced and wondering about my sexuality. So let me start from the beginning. When I was ten years old i kissed a girl because I was curious and she accepted, I mean it was a gum exchange from mouth to mouth. I wasn't aroused but it was something I was curious about. Time passed and I noticed that I became aroused everytime I would sneak into my brother's room and look at porn magazine. If I'm a female why would I get aroused by looking at other women? I always maintained myself within the norm. I would like other boys in school and even wished to date some of them. When I was in college I noticed I had some inclinations towards this student who confessed to be a lesbian. I got married, was ok in the sex part but was not happy with my ex. Every now and then I wonder how it would feel to be a with a woman. I even fantasize about having a cute girl in love with me and I start to wonder how would it feel to kiss her. Does this mean that I have hidden lesbian tendency or am I a lesbian? If so, I wouldn't be courages enough to come out of the closet. After my divorce, I don't see myself wanting to be with another man. I try to connect my feelings to this failed marriage but what about my past inclinations? What should I do with these feelings? I am even embarrassed about them. Should I define myself? Should I feel comfortable with accepting it and even realizing my dreams?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): Defining or categorizing yourself has little benefit and a lot of downsides. Rather think of it this way: You not "a heterosexual" or "a homosexual." Instead, every day you have the choice of behaving in a heterosexual manner or behaving in a homosexual manner. You can choose either DESPITE the feelings or urges you have to behave in one or the other manners.
Most important: A PERSON IS WHAT SHE DOES. A person who steals is a thief, a person who sings is a singer, a person who tells jokes is a comedian. You can have humorous thoughts all the time, but you can't be a comedian if you don't ACTUALLY TELL people jokes.
You the choice every day to take the actions you want, including the manner in which you make sexual actions. Feelings always come to match your actions, (often very slowly, however.)
In other words, when you ask "Does this mean that I have hidden lesbian tendency or am I a lesbian?" "What should I do with these feelings?" "Should I define myself?" "Should I feel comfortable with accepting it and even realizing my dreams?" the answer to your questions is: You should decide what is right and match your actions to that standard, and your feelings will fall in line over time.
A
male
reader, DLover  +, writes (3 August 2009):
On my point of view, you are either bisexual or lesbian. After a divorce with a man, kind of hard to tell which one it is.
For now, you seem to want a relationship with a woman, go for it ! No man will ever understand a woman as well as a woman can. Moreover, she already has a better idea of what pleases you, since she is a woman too. This could be the start of wonderful journey to discover the true you ! I'd advise you to wait a bit to see if you are bisexual or lesbian before telling your parents (if they are conservative).
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