A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years. We have a one year old son. And I am unhappy. I have second guessed my decision to marry him since almost day one.I had a miscarriage withing the first month of our marriage. I didn't want to have sex for a couple weeks and he just couldn't take it. He got kind of violent with me. He forced himself on me a few times. And then after that if I went more than a week without wanting to have sex it would start all over again. This went on to the point that I eventually left him a year later, and then got back together with him after a few weeks.Since then the sex thing has calmed down. He doesn't get physical, he just begs 'please please please please please'. No joke. Just like that. I hate sex now. I have absolutely no desire to have sex with him. Our son is a result of one of his episodes of beggining and me getting enough and giving in. He is always cracking sexual jokes about me every single solitary chance he gets. I can't bend over to pick something up or change in from of him without some sort of remark. And he is always grabbing my boobs no matter how much I plead for him to stop. It is so degrading.He is a spoiled brat. If something doesn't go his way he literally pitches a fit like a 4 yr old kid. He calls me names and says things he doesn't mean. This happens a lot.He also snaps at me all the time. He always has some sort of excuse that is supposed to make it ok, like he needs a cigarette, or his back hurts, or he has a headache, or he's tired. It is pretty much daily that he snaps and puts me down. And if I say anything back he say," You are over reacting, you are only embarassing yourself and you need to shut up."Since having my son I get practically zero help from him. Only when it's convenient. Just this week my son has been sick. My husband didn't have to go in until 11:30 one day and at 8 I needed help getting my son's medication ready because he was crying and I was trying to calm him down. He said that he needed his rest and how dare I ask him because he makes the money.He is always first, always, with everything. His needs are always more important.If I pitch a fit about his attitude he changes for a couple days because he feels bad, and then goes right back. I've had enough and I am fed up.I don't have anyone to talk to because all my friends are invested in him in some way and I don't want to change their view of him. So I don't have anyone to talk to about it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2011): This is an abusive relationship through and through. When he forced himself on you, married or not, that was rape. Marital rape and no man has any right to have sex with you against your will or cajole, beg, plead or manipulate you into sex. With all due respect to the previous agony aunt, abusers do not change. Now let me rephrase that a select few can change but only if the admit to the problem and invest in years of intensive therapy. From the signs of it your husband doesn't seem like the type to admit to his issues or one to make a concerted effort to change. You are on a sinking ship and you really need to get off it for your sake as well as that of your son. It sounds to me like you are living in a virtual prison. You are a prisoner to his moodswings, his sexual desires,his disrespect and disregard, his wants, his needs? Where do your wants and needs come in? As well as those of your son? You are being emotionally abused here and the longer you stay the more damage you will sustain to your spirit and the deeper the wounds will run. Also consider your son, children learn everything from their parents. Do you honestly want your child to grow up to treat somebody elses child the way your husband treats you? By staying you are directly telling your son that it is fine for men to be sexual deviants, big immature babies and the complete opposite of a gentleman. Hun you need to get out and focus on building a better life for yourself and your son. All the best hun! Hope you find the strength to leave and make a better tomorrow for yourself. You are not responsible for your husbands behavior but you are responsible for how you react to it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): Your husband sounds like he has problems with narcissism. There is a lot of information on the internet about it. Many websites make it seem hopeless, but my husband has many of the same issues and has made huge improvements. It can be a very difficult and painful process, though. You might find the book "Loving the Self Absorbed" helpful. It's very easy to hate narcissists, but try to remember that it's a psychological disorder and he'll need support to overcome it. Unless it's full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder, your son will be better off with his father around, even if he is self-absorbed. An imperfect father is better than none at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): 'If I pitch a fit about his attitude he changes for a couple days because he feels bad...'...GUESS AGAIN. He doesn't change because he feels badly. He changes merely to bide time until things return to normal.I hate to say it but I think you're better off alone. At least that way you have only yourself and your son to look after. Your husband is more burden than partner.Do yourself a favour and stop trying to explain things to him. The status quo works nicely for him and as long as you're willing to stick around he has no incentive to change it.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (18 March 2011):
 How old is your husband? Because he acts like a bratty 12 year old.
A decent man would have been kind, caring, and suportive after his wife lost a baby until both her mind and her body had a chance to heal. No matter how long it took. To violently force you to have sex after only 2 weeks is just about the worst thing I have ever heard of a man doing to his wife. There isn't a woman on earth who would want to stay with him after that.
All the other behaviors you have describe him doing is just futher proof to me that this man is beyond hope as a husband or father. Why have you stayed with him?
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