A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend are both musicians. Recently, I applied for a position at a church along with him and was hired.. When I looked on my title, It said music minister. My boyfriend and I live together and the Church from what I gather thinks we are married. Every week it seems like the minister is preaching against fornication. I am over 5 choirs and they look up to me. I am now feeling guilty because I wish to set a good example and have told my boyfriend that I wish to abstain from sexual contact. He wants to get married but I feel there are too many things to work out between us to take that step. He told me if we do not have sex, then the relationship is over. He says he does not have the same convictions as me. I told him if he would move out and we work on relationship, then I would love to marry him, and he says that if he leaves, then it is over for good. I need some advice . Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (24 June 2009):
 I think the bigger question is why won't you marry the guy? That would solve the dilema for both of you. If you've been together this long, and love him I don't see what the problem is.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): I happen to think he's right because you've put him in a no win situation. You can't really take back sex and then expect him to stay in a celibate relationship just because your morals have changed or because you are worried what the church might think. I don't blame him. He's offered to marry you so you are saying no to sex and marriage but you want him to stick around. Not fair. If the roles were reversed, the aunts would be telling the woman not to waste her time.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (23 June 2009):
 marriage is a big commitment! thats nice of him to suggest marriage to recify the problem.
for this relationship to work you both need to come to a dual compromise.
I can understand you wanting to set an example to people, but firstly do it for yourself.
r u happy with your bf? does he treat you well? does he love you?
if the above is all ticked then why dont you marry him? that way he gets the sex, and you get to set an example to others.
both are happy.
unfortunately i have a feeling that if you pressure him with this ultimatum of moving out and no sex he will walk.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 June 2009):
 When you applied for the job were you asked about your marital status? Did you lie? Will abstinence make your relationship work better? Or will you just feel less of a sinner?
I'm not judging you.
I don't believe in getting married just to get married and I agree with your assessment that if you two have problem they do need to be worked out IF marriage is in your future. I don't believe abstinence will help anything in your relationship, other then maybe make you feel less guilty for being in a sexual relationship without being married.
Have you considered talking to the minister?
One thing though, your BF seems very un-bending, a tad controlling.
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