A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing a woman that I work with, from Nicaragua, she has 2 children from different men who both abandoned her while pregnant. It took me 3 months for her to agree to see me outside of work, 2 months as friends, and 3 months ago is what felt like our 1st official date. When I first asked her out she gave me her phone # and told me to call her during the daytime. The first time I called her I told her that I didn't have a girlfriend or wife and I was only interested in her, she told me she had a boyfriend (which she never mentioned before) and told me that she wanted to go out as friends. Over the next 3 months I called her weekly and offered to do many different things with her and or her children and she always said "I'll let you know". 1 time her brother called me because he said he didn't recognize my phone #, he told me he was her brother (her 2 brothers live with her, I've since met 1 of them) and that she had told him about me, he was very polite and easy going. Over the same 3 month period I left a few notes (translated into Spanish and non romantic) and a pink rose, candy and a panda bear for her once. After the 3 months I went into work while she was there and asked her if she received any of the things I'd left for her and she said yes but I thought that you wanted to be my friend and that her boyfriend lived with her and that's why I told you to call me during the day because that's when he's @ work. So I agreed and said I do want to be your friend. About a week later I offered another invitation and she accepted, she called me a few days later and we got together. Over the next few months our relationship started to evolve. I met her children (several times), we've been to each other's houses numerous times, she even drove me to the airport 1 hour away and kept my car @ her house for a week and didn't even drive it, I even cooked her dinner once. She even asked me to learn Spanish, which I'm attempting. I see her and maybe her children as well about once or twice a week. We've kissed numerous times (not French, but on the lips, more than a peck), she lets me stroke her hair and hold her hand often. Every time I bring up our feelings or something relationship oriented she's evasive and brings up the boyfriend. His status gets worse and worse, he's gone from never being around, never helps her do things she needs to, she doesn't think it's going to work, saying she doesn't love him, she says he's not a bad guy but not a good one either, but that's the only time I ever hear about him, about 5 times the entire time I've known her. She told me once when I asked if she loved him she said "NOOOO!" She says he's always asking where she's going or been, who she's talking to on the phone. I've also seen no evidence of this guy in her house (i.e. pictures and things of that nature). I've done many nice things for 3 of them (i.e. I bought her a cheap cell phone so if she ever had an emergency with her children she wouldn't be stuck). I also went with her to pick her son up from school. Her 4 Year old son seems to really have taken to me and me to him. Other than her mentioning this guy it sure feels like we're in a real but SLOWWWW moving relationship. I feel sexual tension between us, I can see that look in her eyes and I feel it in my heart. When I'm with her, sometimes we're both nervous around each other, unless her children are with us to buffer the tension. She also seems very shy, coy and demure but only in matters of intimacy, she never touches me affectionately 1st, but when I touch her (like stroking her hair, or her face or holding hands) or kiss her (not French kissing) she doesn't stop me. Is this kind of behavior normal for a Latin woman? I only recently tried to take it further (sex) and she stopped me, she wasn't angry or annoyed. She told me that she doesn't let just anyone into her life that easily and she needs time and that she doesn't know if she can LOVE someone like that again. She also told me that when she is with a man, she is only with that man, monogamous. I asked her recently if she would drive me to my parents house to get a table they were giving me because she has a pick-up truck (she says it's the boyfriend's truck). I showed up @ her house unannounced on the day we were going to get the table and after I'd been there about 10 minutes she told me that her boyfriend was there and he was upstairs and needed to use the truck, so we wouldn't be able to get the table today. A few minutes later a man came in the kitchen where we sitting and handed her some papers she told him who I was but didn't tell me who he was, he said hello and went back upstairs and I never saw him again for the rest of the 2hours I was there. I assumed he was the boyfriend since the only other man in the house was her brother which I'd met before. The next week we actually went to get the table, which I had decided to give to her because it was too big for my place. When we got back to her house she carried the chairs inside and a few minutes later the man I had met the week before came outside too help me carry it in and he did. I had also given her a letter to read which I had written that was of a personal and relationship nature, she read it in her living room in front of her brother (not out loud) and the supposed boyfriend was 10 feet away in the kitchen on the phone. This guy was never anything but calm and normal (completely different than she described him) both times I saw him, I don't see how he could be her boyfriend. I am not inherently violent but if it was me instead of him I would have been a lot more curious as to who this gringo was hanging around with my girlfriend regularly. Is this boyfriend made-up and a defense mechanism to keep me @ her pace? Did I throw a monkey wrench in the spokes of her lie by showing up unannounced. If she really had a boyfriend why would she allow me in her house, around her family and children so much.
View related questions:
cheap, has a boyfriend, I work with, kissing, period, she has a boyfriend, shy, violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (3 February 2009):
 Maybe she just likes your companionship and is telling the truth?
Why not devote your affections to a single girl who will appreciate it.
|
