A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey Agony Aunts/Uncles...I feel like I've lost some innocence in myself. I was making out with my gf the other day and I started to tickle her chest. I got the signal that I was crossing the line. So I stopped and we continued to make out. A day or so later we were making out again and she began to move her hands on up and down on my chest. So after she was done I asked if was if I could touch her on the chest. She said no, I respected her choice and we continued making out. I just feel that I was looking a little pervish by asking. I know I didn't force her into anything. So what do you guys/gals think? Is this a normal issue? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, GettingHelp  +, writes (23 July 2010):
Totally normal issue.
You're 18 with perfectly natural hormones, not a pervert. And you were with your girlfriend not some little girl who didn't know you from a bar of soap.
You were honourable and respectful. Most guys don't ask.
Don't feel like a perv, award yourself some man-points for respecting her.
A
female
reader, Elydiese  +, writes (20 July 2010):
no of course your not a perv you're her boyfriend
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): well you're definitely not a perv.....
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A
male
reader, daletom  +, writes (20 July 2010):
I think you acted honorably and reasonably. And you get extra points for respecting her wishes.
"Mirroring" is a common technique in lovemaking. Basically, you show your partner what you'd like him/her to do to you, by doing that to him/her. It can become a fun, playful dance of sorts as you take turns going just a tiny bit farther than the other. So when she started fondling your chest, it was reasonable to assume that she was giving you permission - in fact, asking for - similar treatment.
I think it's quite healthy, and not perverted in the least, that you two can have discussions like this. In the daylight - not in the back of a parked car, or in her dorm room at 2:00 AM - let each other know what the limits to your lovemaking are. Then, respect them. Let her know if there are ambiguous signals (like fondling your chest). It's quite OK (and very pleasurable!) if she does that, as long as you don't misinterpret it. If both of you can gently and respectfully tell the other, "Umm . . . please don't do that." and abide by those requests then your sexual communication is in good shape. You can have a LOT of fun and pleasure, without constantly being on-guard.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): Yea it's normal lol my bf asked that like 200 times while we used to make out
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 July 2010):
 Honestly, I think it would be odd if you didn't want to touch her back.
But KUDOS! to you for asking her first and respecting her no.
Keep your fingers on her earlobes, the jawline or in her hair that way you won't be tempted to grope. .. too much at least.
It's a pretty basic instinct.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): Never, ever, ask. Just do it. If she says stop, you should stop. But never ask permission. Most girls want the man to take charge, to initiate the physical contact. your asking makes things awkward. Just do it...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI love how ya all had the age thingy in their as a side note. Yes we both are adults and I think its something she is just shy about. It was a little of a mood killer but we still kept going ;) It was something that was confusing/bothering me a little and I really didn't know how far she wanted to go. I wanted to make sure she was ok with what we were doing. Im ok with whispering in my significant others ear "Are you ok with this? or Is this alright?" Just to give them the chance to back out. I am older and I know it can be easy just to go along with it sometimes when your really not ready. xo
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): it was very nice of you and respectful of you to ask, although it must have been a mood~killer. However, methinks the lady is not playing fair. she can explore and feel of you but you cant do the same? I dont know why we females think that we hold all of the cards....maybe its because you males allow us too.
Take your time, continue to try a little more each time and see what happens...at some point she will say stop. but you will probably make progress everytime. :) AAAAnd some night she wont say anything....
One of my all time favorite memories is a early summer night... we were parked on a dirt road, sitting on the hood of his Galaxy 500,the stars were out and for the first time, I had his shirt off. Oh yea.....and i still love it.
Its not only a guy thing, so i wouldnt let her play with yours if she doesnt do the same eventually.
and just as an aside this only applies if she is of age...otherwise, all bets are off. :) mal
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): Well.. if you really are 18-21 then tbh I wouldnt worry. People do more without asking. Infact not many people ask. They just go for it and either get their hands moved back or girls just let them do it. Maybe shes shy or you havnt been going out for long. Your not a pervert (as long as shes not like 12 lol) :) x
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