A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey guys,So I met a guy last month, we hit it off real well (my friend is friends with him and told us to talk) we never met in person, we started talking via aim and then he asked me for my number and we've talked on the phone like every other week (so only like 4-5 times so far) they were lengthy convos each time tho. He gets distracted easily and so he doesnt respond to messages online fast so i like the phone better but he hardly called (few times) but when he did call he'd give me signs like: i enjoy talking to you, you're pretty, i agree with our friend u are what she said you'd be: smart, goofy, funny, etc. I assumed these were all good signs so maybe i came on too strong, but about 3 weeks ago i was the first to ask if we could meet in person, he was fine with it and we planned to meet today. Well last sunday I was getting irritated because we haden't talked in a few days and he didnt even bother to mention our plans for the following week (the time was getting closer) so I kinda bugged out and called him up and said that i was mad at him for not mentioning the trip, he said that he couldn't meet this weekend (WHAT!?!?) that his parents called last minute and wanted to see him (he lives on campus in an apartment and hardly sees his parents) so he said that he was gonna go see em that same weekend but that he's been looking into ways to see me. He said that money was a huge issue (we're both students) (we live like 7 hours away from eachother) and moneys an issue for me too and he knows that. but I kinda confessed my likingness toward him by saying that i really really wanted to see him (remember, he always said 'okay" to seeing me but never was like enthusiastic about it or really ever asking me about the plans. So I suggested that the cheapest way for us to meet was for me to go to where he is (he cant come to me because i live with my parents but he lives alone) so i said, oh well why don't i just come there, its the cheapest way to meet (no hotel, no buying food) he was just like yea that would be easier. He said that the next couple weeks were not good weekends, and i feel like i was so persistent about meeting him that i scared him off.We talked the next day and i said, you kno wat, if you wanna see me, just let me know because Im not mentioning it eventhough im impatient. I feel like I made a HUGE mistake in this entire process, everythign was going so smoothly until i came along and became all obvious about my feelings. I moved way too fast. I also looked desperate by being so like: i really wanna see u, he did say he wanted to see me too and that he would love to see me if he wasnt so broke, but thats y i suggested me going to him..now I feel so stupid about saying that. We haven't really talked since that phone convo (just for a little bit online once) he's busy and i understand that because im busy too, but i think hes just turned off by my persistance, i know how much men love the chase and i completely didnt give him the opportunity to chase me.I wanna know what I can do to seem hot and cold, or to seem less interestd, or to just seem chiller, I overly girlified it and thats not cool at all. Im upset at myself most of all. We were getting along just fine until I scared him like this. Do you think i scared him off?Guys how do you feel about a girl whose so persistent about seeing you and u do like her but its hard for u to let a girl in.
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female
reader, luvisnot4ever +, writes (27 June 2009):
 I think you should relax. Anxiety over such a small thing is not good. You barely know this guy and by you asking him again and again comes across as desperate. Also, you offered to go see him 7 hrs. away.. in my opinion that wasn't a good idea. You should hold yourself up high and let the guy come to you. If he is that broke now for the first date. Where do you see this going? This will always be an issue. I think you should find someone close to you and some one who doesn't have the issue of being broke.
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