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female
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anonymous
writes: My ex and i were with each other for almost 4 years and a year of no contact after the break up..no one cheated..i think we did really love each other..it was petty stuff that i think we can get over from just learning from mistakes etc..i know what i would do differently and told him this. I told him i would rather be with him than some other guy. We went a year with no contact and i was strong but i decided to contact him because i knew i still loved him. We have been talking for months every week or two weeks and from knowing him i know he isn't the type where he would jump back quickly into things. He is in his 30's and i am in my mid twenties.I did ask him very direct questions and made direct comments of how maybe he is just trying to be this "nice guy" and doesn't want to say that he just doesn't want me. And he said that isn't exactly right b/c if it was about me then he would be seeing someone already or looking.We have been having decent conversations although its mostly me calling at this point and in terms of us seeing each other he said let him get his head together. So i figured I should give him the benefit of the doubt and maybe eventually he will come around. I am trying to date in the meantime.I was organizing some stuff and i came across a picture of me and him that he never saw. It is a picture of us on a boat that my friend took..the sun is in our eyes so we both look kinda funny but cute...there are alot more unfortunately but this one i thought was more casual and fun.I decided to text him the picture since it seemed like it could bring a laugh or smile once he saw the explanation in the text. We did speak earlier in the day around 7pm and he knew i was home going through some stuff because i wasn't feeling well and didn't have much else to do because of it. He was a little sick and also was picking up family earlier in the day. I put in the message i don't think u ever saw this before, just thought maybe u might like to see..kinda funny picture etc..I sent it after 10 or so when i figured his family was settled in..he didn't respond which was fine---i actually was going to be suprised if he did respond lol. I just thought of it as something nice to put out there--nothing we need to talk about it. Just a nice gesture and if he hates it he can delete it. 2 days have passed and now i am a little anxious that maybe i ruined how things are and he will avoid me now and not talk to me? Or maybe i am overreacting because its not like i sent him 20 photos or something. I am anxious i made things weird because it will be there that he didn't respond. I want to call him just to see if he speaks to me and to show that we don't need to discuss the picture..as long as he saw it is fine with me.Was it a very bad idea to send the pic? I was just trying to do something nice. I hope it didn't scare him off or ruin things..
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (28 May 2010):
 Man, you might not like to hear this, but it sounds like the guy has moved on from you. :( Things that means a lot to you now and used to mean a lot to him no longer mean the same to him. And it's been a year since you dated.
It's nothing you've done wrong, and I commend you on not cheating on him. But relationships can fizzle out due to people growing apart too. Happens to platonic friendships, and it can happen to romantic ones too.
You can't pine away for him, looking through old pictures and nursing your continuing attraction to him. Right now, it's you who's contacting him, you who's keeping up the relationship, and you putting in all the effort. That isn't a good sign.
I'm thinking if you let him go and stop contacting him and allow yourself to have feelings for someone else, and this new guy starts showing you attention and affection and telling you how beautiful you look and appreciating all you do for him, you'll wonder why you let yourself miss that for so long.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2010): I know you're worried that you did not do something nice and that you might have scared him off, but just talk to him and let him know. He might think that you want to get back with him, but you just need to tell him that you wanted to make a nice gesture. If you still are attracted to him, you should let him know how you feel sincerely too.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2010): first of all good u r a good story teller...
and it was nothing weird
just tell him that u wont talk to him until he starts to speaks with u.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2010): Hi. I think you might be trying too hard and reading too much into things. You havent dated for a year so its strange to get so worried because you havent heard from him for 2 days. He may not have realised you expected a reply or he might be preoccupied with family. You have done your part by expressing an interest in him again. Its up to him if he wants to renew a relationship or not. Its not something you can force. So best to leave him to contact you if or when he wants to. Some.people are flattered when being pursued. Others are freaked out by it. So leave the ball in his court now. All the best.
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