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male
age
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*ecent man
writes:Hello i went on date,i was as nice as i could be took chocolates, which where her favourites,bought drink meal,i think i talked too much as did not want awkard silences,and was nervous , she 59 , me 54 I said at end can i see you again she said message me , we gave each other a kiss on cheek . On website next day i said i got home ok as i got lost on way there ( but i was not late getting there ) i got there first . She replied next day .Glad you got back ok, it was nice to meet you . So i said you too . ( so i,ve assumed she is not interested ) I said you too , good luck . Look after yourself . Love ( My Name ) x She said , You too x. I did Not talk about anything dirty. My Questions are Was i Too Nice ? Was i too imature ? Shall i ask her the Reason(s) why ? So i can message her to try and Solve them ? Thank you for your help . Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2017): I meant minimize sending messages to her. Write DC as often as you like. Others will be helping you as well. Maybe a few aunts and readers can give you more tips.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2017): Sir, re-read my advice. Your mind is going light-years per minute. Please minimize your messages. A guy who is over-anxious is displaying behavior that demands caution on her part. You do not tell a woman you've just met once how you feel about her. That is weird.
You wait, even if your anxiety and worry is compelling you to contact her. Then you call and see how she is doing; and ask if she enjoyed the first date. If she did; then ask if she wold be interested in seeing you again? Calmly!
As for moving on? If a woman ignores your contact; you had better see that as disinterest. Give her the respect and space she deserves, and move on!
She wouldn't rush to see another guy, if she thought she wanted to see you again. You think you can convince her to want to see you if you're pushy and scaring her? I don't think so.
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reader, decent man +, writes (11 August 2017):
decent man is verified as being by the original poster of the question Its ok angle. Thanks If you think i have a chance of asking her for a day out and explaining what i think went wrong , then i,ll send messages when she is not online , as don,t want to put any pressure on her. Shall i say sorry for wasting her time and effort going on the date . Or am i being Too nice Wish Some one would of taught me how to get a woman 40 years ago. as i,ve only had odd flings im 54 Thanks
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reader, decent man +, writes (11 August 2017):
decent man is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hello thanks , i agree with everything you say except move on i haven,t got much experince trying to get a woman, can,t believe how difficult it is.I was Shocked she even went on date , ive always had very low confidence in all parts of life.She is so attractive i thought i was dreaming ,i was so nervous , i talked about myself too much to avoid the arkward silences she wants to date nothing serious , and is older than me, so i thought , she would want to settle down , as time goes by so quickly. I was So near yet so far. and Not after sex ,my star sign is pisces, Sensitive emotional .Because she said she was glad i got home ok, and it was nice meeting you.I replied good luck ,look after yourself. Have i ruined it all ? i treat dating like a big investigation , shall i send her messages about how i feel , confidence not much experience, i think she felt sorry for me , shall i ask her the reasons , and i won,t make same mistake again . I have set my heart on her , i know i would treat her properly. i went on date on wednesday. Worried she might meet someone else . You give very good advice, hope i haven,t confused you . you give Excellant advice , hope to hear from you Thanks Ray
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2017): I meant to say:
"Trying to cover each and every possible [angle]..."
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2017): You are overthinking this situation and becoming desperate. You must relax and allow nature to take its course; and natural chemistry must develop without being forced.
You're trying too hard and attempting to anticipate her every want and need; to see if you can guarantee that she will like you, and become immediately attached. Dear Sir, nothing scares women more than to notice a lack of confidence or desperation in a man. They'll wonder what's wrong with you. They must practice caution as a rule.
If you'd allow her to see how comfortable you are in your own skin, how mature and calm you are; I think that would make a much better impression. You're afraid she will not like you; and you're forgetting if that is the case, there really isn't much you can do to change her mind. That's her right. She will judge you based on her own criteria for what she considers the man she's looking for. You can't cover all the bases.
Trying to cover each and every possible angel to assure yourself you'll get the girl will drive you nuts. You'll also set yourself up for a high-maintenance woman who will run you bankrupt and stare-crazy. Just stop, man! Calm down!
Women can be fickle. Some are very independent and don't like being pressured or aggressively pursued. Others like being slowly wooed and romanced; and yet others like to be the pursuer. So you're better off to move at a reasonable and measured pace; so she has time to decide if she even likes you. Trying to be everything she could possibly image will make you look like a player, not the romantic-type of guy that you are. Desperation and over-eagerness are very scary coming from someone you don't know very well.
Please calm down. If she decides she wouldn't want another date, it's because you're scaring her being so anxious. Or, you're just not her type. For all you know, she may turnout to be far from the kind of lady you really want to date. You can't see that for scrambling to make the perfect impression; which will not make any difference, if she is just looking for a friend or male-company just for dates and to fill lonely times.
Yes, some just like a date now and then; and will call you when they feel like a visit. That's all! Some are only looking for a male-chaperone to events, weddings, or to let their friends know they can get a man. The plus-one on an invitation. Believe it or not!
Get a grip, my dear friend! She's not the last woman on earth! You're building yourself up for a let-down if she decides she doesn't want to see you again. If she doesn't, so be it! Move on and don't take it too personally. I read two of your posts, this is the first and I will also answer the second post.
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