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female
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*weetheart121999
writes: I am married and have a son, about three years ago, I was very close to my co-worker, we were very good friends until we feel for each other. At first we agreed to only have a little fling, but as time passed we both started to fall hard for each other. About six months into the relationship, he told me I had to make a choice, between him and my husband, I tryed to avoid the question so much, but deep down inside, I knew I had to choose, I was so confused, I wanted to be with him, but was scared to leave my husband and take my son away from him, because I was always thinking of the consequences, because I knew it wasn't right. About almost a year into the relationship. he went to florida, before that he wanted me to make a decision, He was always depressed, sad, and felt the worst always because of the situation, I was selfish for letting it go on. I let him go, I wanted to be with him, but something always kept me back. After leaving to Florida we still kept a long distance relationship, but it got worse and worse, he started to feel alot of resentment towards me, we argued all the time, He got to the point that I was the worst person that had came into his life. Nine months after he left to florida, everthing was just so bad, he called me and told me off,I was actually separated from my husband by that time. after that I never called him back, I loved him, he loved me so much, but was hurt by my actions and the fact that I didn't do enough to save our relationship. I let him be and let him go on with his life even though I knew he would have so much anger towards me. This happened back in May 2005, til this day, I think about him everyday and wish I was with him, but also think it was best this way. I actually fixed my relationship with my husband, but I still carry a torch for him. Sincerely, Desperate for Advice
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2006): I'm sorry, but even though your personal emotions were confused, you knew well that you were hurting your lover outside of your marriage. I feel it was very dishonorable for you to do that. However, that isn't why you posted here - to be criticized. You posted for help.
It's neither right or wrong really. What do you think? How do you feel? Ultimately it is something you have to believe in and feel that it IS the right thing. From another perspective, it WAS wrong for you to have continued to have two relationships. There is a saying in Cantonese, "Yut girk daap lurng suen". It means "one leg step on two boats". Often to describe people who have more than one relationship.
You obviously were very selfish. You allowed your lover outside to drag on, not knowing his future with you. He was hopeful, and you shattered it. As a result, you finally fixed your marriage, but you are still thinking about your ex-lover outside. What do you think? Was it wrong? You seriously have to sit down, sip some tea, and think. You don't need any of us to tell you what you should do and why you did it.
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