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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I came back tonight from work a bit disappointed. This is the situation. I work at a job that haves a cafe and the connection between me and one of the girls there is strong. She stumbles every time I am there and acts nervous when I apporoah her and is very kind to me. Not to mention this is not any speculation or me misreading her behavior. I am pretty certain that she likes me, and We definitely have chemistry. I can tell her heart rate raises by the way she acts when she see me. Also her body language. The connection are also there in the eyes. However, I wanted to act on this situation and to keep in mind with my title at work, I am not allowed to hang out with employees. I explained to her today if she can keep it confidential when I told her that I am interested in her. she couldnt put her words together and said not now. She even said sorry and I asked her if there is a reason and she said I don't fraternize with employees and I said I took the risk asking you this. Then I said that I am interested in another company and might give my two week notice( it was a lie) and asked if she would like to grab coffee then and she said yes. A little about me I am an extremely good looking fit guy that gets hit on all the time. I would like to know what to do next. I really like this girl, and know she likes me back. I believe the timing was bad since she had her coworkers there. Any help would be appreciated. I need a plan, and I need to known if Iam on point or not. I feel like that's the answer I should have expected asking her at the wrong time. Would trying again be worth it or would it show that I am desperate? My friend said that she would come to me if she saw that i didn't leave the company. Did I do good today? At least now she knows that I am interested. How should I act when I order food there? Did I assume wrong that she likes me?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (9 October 2015):
 It sounds like you let her know you'd like to see her and she said no. I think at this point the only thing you should do is back off. If you do leave the company, you could try asking her again, but do be prepared for another no.
I'm sure you are an attractive man, but there may be circuimstances in her life that prevent her from being able to date. A super strict father. A secret boyfriend she can't tell any one about. A paralyzingly fear of losing her job and her family's only source of income.
You didn't use a flag so not sure what country or culture you are in. In some cultures a girl who goes on unchaperoned dates is considered a slut. In some cultures a woman can actually be stoned to death for extramarital sex. In some cultures fathers actually kill their daughters if they are perceived to have tarnished the family's honor.
You know she's an attractive girl who works at a cafe, beyond that you don't know much about her. Perhaps her father is from such a culture and she fears for her life. I don't know, and presumably you don't know either.
Respect the "no" and look for women to date outside your workplace. You will have no trouble meeting one, I'm sure.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (9 October 2015):
 Your post:
Then I said that I am interested in another company and might give my two week notice( it was a lie)
Your post:
No I am not going to proceed with the lie.
Your post again:
I said I might leave which is actually true when I start applying for jobs.
No one has criticised you…
Your response: I wasn't looking for criticism but thanks for nothing.
Not only are you offensive in your responses to people giving their time to give advice on a question you asked, but not clear in what you are posting. I'm not sure what kind of responses you are looking for, honest ones or one sprinkled with fairy dust
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am a very respectful guy but I know that this lady I was referring to has a crush on me. I messed up by asking her at the wrong time. And if the no was truly because she didn't like me I am okay with that. I am hoping to go out with Her one day but now that she knows that I like her it's all up to her now. May you find peace.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 October 2015):
 It's not criticism, it's advice to respect a woman when she says no or no thanks.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wasn't looking for criticism but thanks for nothing.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue +, writes (9 October 2015):
sorry but I just re read your post and see it a bit differently. If you are of 'title' I assume that you hold a senior position. Maybe she felt pressure to accept your invitation to coffee out of obligation, additionally because you pointed out to her that you took a RISK by showing her interest. So my advice would to keep it professional.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay so it seems that none of you comprehend the context of my message. I said I might leave which is actually true when I start applying for jobs. Looks like theirs more criticism on here then advice.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 October 2015):
Should you approach her again?
No. No means no. She told you no. Her saying :"she said I don't fraternize with employees" mean no I don't date co-workers. THAT includes you.
Just because YOU decided to take the risk ans tell HER doesn't mean she owes you anything.
Treat her like any other co-worker, because that is what she is.
Did you do good? As a woman, I wouldn't be very impressed with your approach. Lying is NEVER a great way to "get" what you want. Because what happens in 2 weeks when you are still there?
If it is against company policy to date, she can lose her job. It that fair?
If it's HER personal "policy" to not date co-workers then you and the rest of the co-workers ought to respect that.
She can find you attractive, but it doesn't mean she wants to date you.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue +, writes (8 October 2015):
In your mind you don't plan to go ahead with the lie. Which is a good thing, but she is not to know that it was just a ploy to see her reaction. Do you feel that the reason she said yes to coffee was because you mentioned that you may be handing in your notice therefore company policy would not apply? Im not sure much you are willing to risk because this could end up with her in just as much trouble as you for breeching company policy. Personally I don't think it's a companies business to have such policies but it is what it is. An extremely good looking fit guy like you say you are should find it difficult to find a more accessible opportunity. i think the biggest mistake, if I understand your post correctly, was telling her all this in front of her co workers- it doesn't take long for word to get around so you asking her to keep your invite confidential is out of her control.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo I am not going to proceed with the lie. I wanted to see if she would actually go out with me. I don't think you're reading right and I don't want any negativity from you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2015): No you did bad, when she finds out you lied she won't want to be with or even near you.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (8 October 2015):
 She likes you, you like her but company procedure forbids relationships between employees..... so you LIED TO HER!
Wowie, what a way to start a relationship! When she finds out that you lied, she will probably chalk it up to you being a liar and a player...
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