A
female
age
41-50,
*anniepeg
writes:Try to assess this boyfriend of mine.My boyfriend (36) and I (32) have been dating for 2 months. He is overly eager to please, always apologetic if I look upset, wants to text even at work, in general always sweet to me. Shares that he has his dark side, his anxiety (takes medications) but is healthy otherwise. Not close to family. I am the closest person he talks to. Quiet, stoic on the outside but got lots lots on his mind. Thinks that whenever I cry he did something wrong and am not happy with the relationship. My boyfriend is conservative and has never talked much about sexuality. We started sharing opinions on monogamy and marriage. I shared with him that my brother watches porn and that my mom shared a link with him telling him how porn affects the brain. My boyfriend heard this and was thinking my brother has conflicts between who he loves. He started saying if he feels torn because he is attracted to another woman and wants to try her, how would I feel? I am very sure that he had said, "If I do this, what would you feel?" and not in general, if men do this, how would you feel. So I took it that he isn't sure he will be faithful for the long haul and I said to him that I can't commit to a man like that. If he wants to try other women he should be single and I would move on and find other men who can be faithful. He took it that I don't care about him and my feelings aren't strong for him, that I could just drop him like that. What I meant was I would still care about exes, but not physically care and ask them how they are. He made it seem like I am a heartless cold bitch and couldn't care less about him.We cleared our misunderstandings, concluded that we will be faithful, but still I knew he said if he felt torn what would I do. He corrected and said he never said that and was referring to men in gengeral. Did he slip something out of his mouth, realized he screwed up, and was trying to cover it up? Note that he has never had that kind of conversation with anyone before. I had to later explain to him men watch porn because they want to jerk off fast, and that's it. It's not always because he stops loving the woman. It seems he is clueless and is very uncertain about how he will be.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2012): I would personally need to know what he meant by having a dark side? And as a mental health nurse what medications he was being prescribed and by whom?
My husband is on a SSRI which helps elevate his mood due to him having a chronic pain disorder, now he gets cranky and can be a bit moody if he misses his meds and I have to constantly be on top of that. But we have a great relationship and family life.
But what if he has a psychosis of sorts or neurosis . You don't know him well enough to say and while everything can be controlled somewhat with Medication I do think you have to take care.
For the Freudian slip, yes we normal say things that we are thinking without meaning to.
But I do think they are underlying issues of his moods that need to be looked at.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2012): I'm sorry...this sounds very fishy to me. He is 36 years old, and you had to explain to him why other men watch porn?
If he's 36 years old honey, he's seen some naked ladies before. If he's not sure he can control his sexual urges should a more attractive lady catch his eye, he is certainly aware of his sexuality even if he doesnt talk about it.
This whole situation sounds weird. He does not sound like marriage material.
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