A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Today, completely by accident, I insulted my boyfriend and I don't know what to make of it. Let me explain. I have been doing work experience for a week at a preschool, which means we havent seen each other for a week so we agreed to meet for lunch in town. When I met up with him he was a bit agitated - in fact he had smashed his phone against a tree because it didn't send a text, and was now annoyed that it was broken. I thought it was all pretty OTT, but didnt say anything. Anyway we were chatting over lunch, and I was telling him about my work experience and he was joking that he was more qualified to look after kids (he has a child protection certificate or smth) and saying that I shouldn't be left alone with them without him. Later he made another comment about the kids and I misunderstood it, thinking that he was implying I was a pedo or something so I said 'you're sick in the head'. I said it fairly lightheartedly, but obviously with a bit of force and shock because of what I thought he'd said; he was extremely insulted by me thinking he'd said something like that, and had no problem telling me. He was angry + shocked and I feel bad, but i feel it wasn't completely out of context given his earlier comments. I told him i'd just been confused and misheard him, which is true.A bit more background on my boyf is probably needed: hes quite upper-class (his family will have no trouble replacing the phone) and also extremely intelligent, has applied to one of the top unis in the country. However, he is also seen as arrogant by some people, and has a tendancy to seem like hes looking down on people. He is an absolute genius when it comes to stuff like physics and also very into sport, obsessed with cricket, running, tennis and stuff... but if your having a normal conversation about something other than sport or academia with someone, he will withdraw and barely contribute. He has a good sense of humour sometimes, but he can also be moody. I often find myself feeling inadequate and frustrated. Hes a good guy generally, and can be fun to be around. To most people he would look probably look perfect on paper..anyway back to the question: did he overreact or was I in the wrong? Sorry if I have rambled this , but the whole incident really bothered me for some reason, and I feel bad about it. Would really appreciate some feedback :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): top feeling badly. Your bf implied that you are unfit to be with children (a pedophile) and then acts insulted because you told him 'he's sick in the head' to say such a thing. What did he expect? He's a big boy. He needs to be responsible for what he said to you in the first place. He needs to apologize. And you need to stop being so hard on yourself. The only way to get 'respect' from people is to let them know what you will and will not tolerate. Also, it seems your bf may have an anger problem, that he should get under control. To break his phone on a tree because it didn't text message, is something I'd take note of, If I were you. Usually when a person behaves moody, angry, easily agitated and insecure in a relationship, it's really a smart thing to discern his true character and look at the reality of what may come, down the road. This is a facet of a person character that all people need to be aware of. It's something that shows intellect and discernment. It's using one's head to discriminate character, in a partner. It's thinking with our brain...not the heart. Thinking with the heart just lands a person in trouble all the time. And boy, do they cry loudly, a few years down the road, when a person run roughshod over your life and you can't take it anymore. Dating is selection process and you would not be wrong to have doubts, 2nd thoughts about him..some people can't tolerate a moody, brooding type of people. I personally have issues with people like this. So..if he's showing a 'confusing, darker' side to his personality, you need to proceed with caution. Go slow and see where this leads in the forthcoming weeks. If it gets worse, consider 'bailing out'...you don't need the anxieties and stress. Sometimes when people confuse their loved ones like he's doing here,really, this is not love nor respect. It's about him and having his own needs taken care of before yours.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): I don't see any "wrong" here done by either of you. This is a mistake, a misunderstanding and shouldn't be made into any big affair. He said something, you misunderstood and replied, to which he took offense that you'd think he's actually say that.. I think what was more in order at the end of that conversation instead of an arguement is the following: HIM: How could you? You: I'm sorry, i misunderstood you. HIM: But you should know me better.. YOU: you're right, i'm sorry i didn't mean to hurt you and i know you wouldn't actually say something like that to me. HIM: Ok.. i'm glad. I'm sorry to have said something behind which my intentions were not clearEND. That's all i see to this problem and now it should be over. Are you still argueing? Because this should be an easy fix especially after you have time apart and he cools off from his phone not sending that blasted text.. stupid phone.. ~Sy.
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