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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I met this guy (24 yrs old) through a friend. We started dating right away and seemed to really hit it off. He was so funny and outgoing (great to make me laugh), but it took him many dates before he kissed me. (Guess he was shy? didn't seem like the shy type..) The night he finally ask me for a kiss was also the night he really opened up to me about his past and asked questions about mine. We had a really honest talk, and it seemed we were 'together' after that. (The next day however he seemed to think he had said, 'too much' and seemed a little embarrassed, but I loved talking to him that way.) Anyways, we kept dating and finally could express our physical attraction and affection to each other, and be ourselves most of time, well, until one day..So i was having a bit of bad day and went to leave at the end of the night. He asked, can I have a kiss, and I said, no (because secretly I was afraid I had bad breath after what I ate, lol)..So I quickly pecked him one on the lips, and ran off.It got kind of awkward after that... Skipping lots of details... We still saw each other, but he was more distant and we stopped anything sexual, and when I finally asked if something was wrong, he admitted he was kind of hurt about the other night (was really hard for him to say so b/c he didn't look my right in the eyes). I didn't think it was that big of a deal until it got awkward..Finally we stopped talking as much, and then I was the one to call him and see what was up (kind of unsure about things), and he said there seemed to have been a lack of interest on both sides (okay..). We mumbled a few more pleasantries, and got off the phone, and oddly, that was it. The thing was that by this time, I had really acquired feelings for him, and was more upset than I seemed to be. I had fallen pretty hard.Now this was a while ago and I've moved on, but since I never asked him frankly what happened to his feeling for me, what do you think? I kind of still wonder every now and then, even though it's been a couple years (yeah, i know.) Does it really seem to you like he just lost interest all of sudden when, i mean, things were going well for a few months? I thought we started to get a good connection, and he dropped off the earth. It seriously took me forever to get him off my mind. Here was a guy I didn't find all that attractive at first, to thinking he was sooo attractive on so many levels once I got to know him. I've never made sense of it all and I've never had that kind of experience or break up. No closure I guess. I don't know why I sometimes still think about it. Just something about him.Thanks!!
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male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (14 May 2008):
 No, you'll probably always have a passing thought of it now and then. Sometimes there are no answers coming no matter how hard you might wish it. I'm sorry but those are the hard facts of being human. Sometimes ex's can be friends... sometimes you can't or don't want to deal with each other and move on to find the happiness you deserve from other sources.
Best wishes for continued happiness with what you've got going now... there's something to spend your mental powers on...
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAw, thanks for the response.
I've moved on and I'm in a different long term relationship however I never understood why it took so long to get over a guy who I dated for only 3 months. I guess you don't get closure with some people. I remember I broke up with a boyfriend a long time ago and 5 months later, he asked to me for a more detailed explanation for why I couldn't be with him anymore. After a couple hours of talking frankly, I think he understood, and I think it helped him move on and feel less pain. We're actually still friends, but it took a couple years before we could build a friendship.
I just wish I could talk to this guy that way. I tried, but it was so hard for me to get him to open up, and I'm shied away too. I loved it when he could open up. We tried to remain friends, but it was hard for me, because I still had feelings for him (that I pretended not to have) and he was more distant. I really wanted him to just come forward and talk about it, but it was too hard for him. Meh, we lost touch. I am happy in my current relationship bit it still drives me nuts to wonder if I was the only one who felt the connection we had...??? He seemed so interested and then was gone. I'm also not used to men breaking up with me.
I'm only getting this out there so it can stop eating at away at me, even if it only does that a little bit nowadays. I don't know why I still sometimes think about him. Weird.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (14 May 2008):
The first thought that entered my head was the significance of being shy. Walking hand-in-hand with shyness is insecurities... sometimes really minor, sometimes really big, but it's there someplace. In any case, I kind of get the idea that he got turned off & rejected and took it more personally than you might have realized. It happens...
I don't know if he lost interest, but it seems more like he (or you) embarrassed him off. But, it's water under the bridge now, right? There are some relationship breakups you'll never be able to get closer on. I think everyone has them. I'm in my 40's and I still remember a girlfriend in college that after 2 years, we broke up suddenly... I didn't really get why... I do remember following the baseball motif, I tried to get back together 3 times and struck out... after that, I just put it out of my mind and let it go... but I never got a closing answer for why she decided to call it... and you know what? I don't think I really care... move on to something more useful to think about... it's what I did...
Best wishes!!
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