A
female
age
41-50,
*nswers2009
writes:My husband and I live in separate countries due to work committments, we have no kids.About 6 months ago a woman called my house (in the UK) to ask for my husband. I asked who her she was and she claimed she was having an affair with my husband for 2 years and had recently aborted his baby. She said she did not know he was married. She said not to tell my husband as she could get in trouble with her family. Of course I confronted my husband who freaked out and was like 'wtf?!'. He swore to me he did not know why she was saying this other than to split us up. He did admit that she was the ex girlfriend of a very good friend and that he had been too close to her when the three of them hung out by way of giving her advice on their relationship etc. He said that she probably blamed him for telling his best mate to split up with her as he thought she was a slut (as she had an abortion and multiple partners)and this was her revenge. He admitted he got too close to her as a friend at the time she was going out with his best friend and that was his mistake. He is admittedly quite naive and it is possible that this girl fancied him.He was furious with both his best friend and this ex girlfriend for bringing their shit to his door and his marriage. He rarely sees his best friend anymore.I mean he flipped with anger. He was also hurt that my family and friends would see in him in a bad light as he loves my family. They don't believe this woman by the way as they all say my husband adores me.Still 6 months on I am still paranoid whether or not he did have an affair although I have no proof other than this woman calling the house.Our relationship is stronger than ever, but my trust is 90% gone.He also wants me to move to the country he works in and has done everything to make this move easier for me over the past 18 months.What should I do? My family and friends say he adores me and they adore him. If it is over and we have a strong marriage why am I still so paranoid and mistrusting? BTW I also adore my inlaws.Why did this girl have his UK landline number? She did not have his mobile number and had the cheek to ask me for it. He had changed it a month before. So obviously he had no contact with her that month.It is all so confusing and all consuming.Sorry if I bored you all. Maybe I am being silly or maybe I should move on and forget about it as we have a strong marriage. He gets so upset i.e. sad when I throw the incident in his face as he keeps saying he didn't do anything. Its just eating me up inside.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): it's so hard when the trust is gone but you have to try if you want your husband and marriageBut do not be played as a fool as well. women are such good investigators, it time to also talk to the ex friend and his ex g/f, the supposed other woman. I would rather know all facts than let it still eat at you years down the line. sure he may love you, but in 2 different countries, even the strongest marriage would have some cracks. There was a crack in your, and you two are trying to make it work.But , there is a big BUT HERE, verify her story or your husbands. There are very strange stories here and if your hubby has strayed it will only be more inventive. Why is he getting upset, is it that you still remember or that he got caught or that he really,, really was naive. I doubt the naive part because men are so clever when it comes to having their affairs and keeping it a secret. Ever so often the OW, makes her presence known. If your husband did have an affair, his OW made her presence known. How t move forward? Only the truth will set you free and to get this, you need to investigate on your own. My brother in law had an affair with someone young enough to be his daughter. He lied to his wife continuously but the OW, made her presence known. Yet again the stories was so amazingly unreal but sadly this OW know things about him that only his wife would have known. Sad but true. So please investigate all stories about this woman and your hubby.Good luck and please be strong.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2009): I can see why you came on here with your story. You are confused and information is vague, obscure, suspicious and incomplete. So I really feel for you on this one.I'm a direct type, so if it were me I would locate this woman and get her to talk to me. And I would do it only to save my marriage. If I weren't interested in saving my marriage I wouldn't care about her or anything else about my husband and just go on happily. But anyway, what is the feasibility of locating her, gently and honestly be up front; nicely ask her to please tell her truthful story. I kind of like Ginalolabridga's idea of going to your husband's residence. I would do it round trip because of your doubts (90)% trust him) and while there run some Dick Tracy work to just find the truth so you can go on.I would find his ex best friend and go to lunch and have him profile the story. This guy should know a lot of details about it. Men tend to cover for their boyz, so you may not hear anything or even be lied to, so make sure you tell him you will never ever repeat what he says.I know some disagree with all this forensic stuff, but do you want to go the rest of your life with a huge question mark? That's not living. So I think you don't have much to lose in being a Nancy Drew; just to get the truth straight.I would really pay attention to Syferfire's: "husband could just be extremely good at covering himself, or telling the truth." And that right there would make me run a CSI until it was settled. At least in looking for the truth, you know you will be able to eventually sleep at night; with or without your husband.Please keep us posted Sweetie -
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A
female
reader, answers2009 +, writes (11 April 2009):
answers2009 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses, it has really helped me as I was feeling so very low today. I have to choose to believe him and move forward. I plan to move to his country so we can build a future together there.And if he is a cheater, I would know for sure over there. I would divorce him and he knows that. Like my friends say I can always come back to the UK.We have been married for 8 years so it is too long to throw away based on one accusation or mistake depending on the truth, which I guess I will never find out so I should not let it destroy what we do have.Thanks again, really appreciate all your objective advice and POV's.Wish me luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2009): hi,
I would have a hard time believing him as well. Its hard to know who is telling the truth, although it sounds like the girl who called has a screw loose!
Is there some way you can visit him, instead of moving all of your things and check it out? Its hard enough moving away from family and friends, just to get yourself in a bad situation.
Good luck. Use your intuition!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2009): Hard to tell on this one. husband could just be extremely good at covering himself, or telling the truth.
To me, the story is weird enough to be true. Yeah, its just a hunch, but I believe him. It is actually quite easy to get a number if you have a name. She could have done a little homework on some of the various websites out there and presto. Or she could have had it from when him and her were cool.
And admittedly you say the relationship is strong, and if family and friends also dig him, thats also good indication. I say put this behind you. Don't let some vengeful vindictive person ruin what you have.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (11 April 2009):
 He sounds genuine to me, this strange girl does sound like she has some deep seated psychological issues. It is easy to get a UK landline phone number if she knows his UK address which is also very easy to find out. Mobile numbers however are much harder to find out (unless she digs around in the paper recycling bin for a phone bill)
I really think your man is innocent here, I do think this girl had a crush on him and is trying to cause trouble between you, and the fact that you are still paranoid means she has just about won!
Please try and put this behind you, he loves you and I don't think he would ever hurt you.
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