A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, Id like advice about being in love with your best friend. For a while I wasnt sure and thought it was just a crush, but I really am in love with him and I think he might have feelings for me too. I love him so much I want to cry. I want to be with him all the time and just do simple sweet things like curl up with him and watch a movie. I love the way it feels when he hugs me, he gives the best hugs and holds me close. Hes the only person I dont feel self conscious around because hes the only one thats been so accepting of me, I trust him with my life and hes definitely saved me many times. The problem is that hes gay so even if he does things that make me think theres something there I made a choice to respect his sexuality until he says otherwise. He told me he had crushes on girls before but he's never dated one so its possible yeah, but it hurts because it makes me feel like theres some hope. My friend that knows us both says everyone has an exception and Im his exception, haha.So... some back story: Weve always been very close but over the last couple of months weve become more affectionate towards each other and usualy mess around like kids. You know, playful pushing and long hugs and things like that. Hes been my best friend for 8 years and that whole time I think Ive had at least a small crush on him but its so much stronger now. He came with me when I went to get a flu shot because Im so so afraid of needles, and he kept asking if I wanted to hold his hand. It was like he was insisting on it and that was before we even crossed the touching boundary. Really the only thing we ever did before that was hug but they were always long hugs. He also started called me pet names like dear, luv and darling and he has a habit of saying I love you when Im least expecting it, though Ive always said it back and I always assume its meant in a brotherly way but every time it happens I get butterflies.For the record hes not at all stereotypical. Most people think hes straight and everyone that doesnt know us thinks were a couple when were out together. I worry a lot lately that hell see right through me or that Ill slip and say something. The last thing I want is to have this awkwardness between us if he doesnt feel the same way, but god the things he does sometimes...I mean he talks to everyone about me. Literaly everyone, like his friends and boyfriend and parents. He always says Id be the one if he was straight or of I was a guy and that wed be together forever. He once said lets adopt a baby together one day because he thinks wed make great parents together.My question is this. Is there a way I can find out whats going on without actually asking? Are there signs I should look for? I mean if he was straight there would be no question and Ive been told he doesnt act like this with anyone else. Help!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): Thank you for replying :)
The thing about the personal space - I wonder if he realises how you feel. Men aren't blind, and since you are madly in love with him, it wouldn't surprise me if he can actually see how you're feeling.
I know how you're feeling, about being scared to say anything. But if my current best friend told me that he loved me, I wouldn't make it awkward. I'd find it very sad to say that I couldn't love him back, but I wouldn't stop seeing him or think any less of him.
Since you and your best friend have known each other for 8 years, neither of you would let anything get in the way of your friendship, no matter how big or small the situation may be.
How is falling in love a betrayal of trust? No one can help who they fall in love with.
If I had another chance to tell my love how i felt, I wouldn't hesitate one bit.
I really hope you work out this situation, I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks anon, its good to know Im not the only one out there going through this. The problem is Im deathly afraid to tell him, things could be so awkward and I love how our friendship is right now. We have no sense of personal space when were together and I think part of that is because we both know we wont cross the line without permision from the pther person. Theres a feeling of being safe I have with him and it might be that way for him too. Im afraid confesing how I feel will be like a betrayal of that trust to him. I wouldnt hesitate if I knew hed take it well but I just dont know..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): Firstly, I'm very sorry that you're in this situation.
I've been in a similar situation to you, I was once in love with my best friend. It's been two years since I've seen or spoke to him, but I still think about him occasionally.
I know it's not much consellation, but you're not the only one who goes through with this. Love is heart-breaking, and it always seems like you're alone, no-matter what.
Honestly, my opinion on this would be to just tell him. Tell him everything you're feeling. I didn't tell my best friend, and now i've lost him as my friend aswell as my love.
You have to consider your friendship in this situation aswell, and also what is good for you. Either staying with your best friend and always wanting more, or leaving him to let someone else have a chance at fixing your broken heart.
I left mine, and though I have never forgotten him, I found someone who has made me so much more happier. I learnt to love someone else, and he loves me back.
Goodluck with whatever decision you make. You've just got to accept that he is gay, and always will be. And that he will probably never love you how you want him to.
But also realise that there is someone out there who would love you back.
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