A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a severe problem I think. I met my wife back in 1992. We remained really good friends, (she even hooked me up with her cousin) and I finally started dating her in June of 1994. I was VERY attracted to her. We could not keep our hands off each other. This continued well through her first pregnancy back in 1997. After that it slowly went down hill. In 1999 we split up for about a year. Started seeing other people. In 2000 we got back together. By now we had 2 beutiful angels. 1 boy, and 1 girl. We were okay for the following years up until around 2002. She was on our 4th child, and by now I rarely even wanted sex with her. We split up, I got involved with quite a few women, I finally returned home after about a month. She was struggling financially. I had to make things right. It is now 2009. I love her, but no matter what I think about I am not attracted to her! I want to be! I miss things being how they once was. The sex feels awsome, it's just that neither one of us are exactly "hot" anymore. I have since been hit by a drunk driver, and added weight. I went from 185 to 245 in result of pain, meds, and lack of activity. My wife went from 130 to about 190. Am I destined to not be attracted to her? Am I just being a selfish ass? I am at my wits end. I can't talk to her about this. She will take it the wrong way. She is untreated bi-polar, and was in DH classes all her life. So it's a struggle to explain certain complex things to her. I refuse to EVER hurt her again, but wonder if there is anything I can do. Can anyone offer any advice??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): You should be able to talk to her about it, that's part of what marriage is about - communication.
You may risk her taking it 'the wrong way' but is there a wrong way for her to take it? You find her less attractive because she's put on weight and she likely feels the same way about you. You can be as subtle as you like, but the end message is the same - 'you need to lose weight because I'm going off you'.
Why don't you tell her that you want to go on a different diet to lose a few pounds and ask her if she'd be willing to help you with it and maybe join you? You could give the reason that you think both of you need to get fit and get back into some of your old clothes instead of continually updating your wardrobes with ever larger sized stuff. At the rate you're going you both risk diabetes and heart problems - and probably a few others - if you continue to expand. It's time to draw a line and stop the rot. You're in a position to help and support each other so go for it or you'll both end up obese.
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