A
female
age
26-29,
*ustme..x
writes:I have loved my english teacher for ages; though there is a fourteen year age gap between us so I know nothing will happen. I know teacher crushes are common, and the best thing to do is either get over it, or just enjoy it but keep it quiet.My teacher has a stable, happy relationship with his girlfriend who he lives with, and this fact has been battering my self-esteem WAY too much. I am not enjoying fantasizing over him any more, I want to move on and be happy again, but I don't know how.There's something about him that seems so perfect, and I don't seem to want anyone else except him. The (obvious) fact that he doesn't feel the same is very depressing; it doesn't feel like I'll ever find someone who'll love me back.I am so boring and young and unattractive and insignificant next to him that I want to cry to be honest. I have had quite enough of endless, pointless thoughts over him and I want it to end as soon as possible, so I can go back to being myself and treating him like any other teacher.Please, please, how do I do this???? thanks. xxx
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female
reader, justme..x +, writes (16 June 2009):
justme..x is verified as being by the original poster of the question hiya, thank you so much for your answers, they were all really helpful and kind xxx
Before I give an update etc can I just clarify .... although of course I have a really (really REALLY) biased viewpoint of him, I am well aware that he's not perfect. I acknowledge that he has bad points, and know what some of them are anyway. It's just that despite the bad traits, they still added up to make ... well, him. I love him for his bad points as well.
Well anyway, this isn't really a situation where I can suddenly update you saying that i've got over him and am back to being myself, because to be honest, I still love him as much as ever and crave glimpses of him in the corridor etc. but I think i'm getting there: My parents and my form tutor have noticed that I've been really low, on the borderline of depression, and have arranged for me to meet up with a specialist who comes into our school, so I will have someone to talk to confidentially and work on my self esteem. Once I (hopefully) have more confidence, maybe lessons won't be so painful and I might be able to get to know him better as a teacher and person rather than just have him fixed painfully in the position of Guy I Love etc lol :P And who knows, I may even get over him altogether and find someone who will love me too.
Thanks again for you answers, I really appreciate it! xxxxx
A
female
reader, MidnightSky +, writes (9 May 2009):
 hey there :)
i love my teacher to bits. he dosent teach me for anything but i go to guitar lessons which he does after school, but its not like an orchestra practise, its informal so we talk and stuff. it kills me becasue i know he dosent feel the same, and hes married. i am happy for him, thats hes found love, and i want him to be happy and have kids as much as i'd love to be with him.
however i love loving him if that makes sense, but by what you said it sounds like you've had enough and want to get over this teacher which is understandbale.
but it sounds like you don't really like yourself, but you are significant, don't think you don't mean anything everyone does. try not to let it get you down because he dosen't see you in the same light as you see him. it upsets me too, to be honest i want to be someone he wants, but hes found that someone.
do you want to get over him becasue your tired of feeling unhappy or because you've generally had enough and want out, want to treat him like anyone else?
if its the first reason, maybe should should acept how you feel for now and continue to liek him, its not unhealthy, its perfectly normal, if you like getting the 'rush' when you see him and so on, theres no harm in that and if you like it and the way he makes you feel (if thats a good feeling)and you dont focus on the fact he has a girlfriend, then enjoy it while you can, not everyone experiences falling in love with a teacher. its amazing :)
if its the second reason, then throw yourself into spending time with your mates, have sleepovers, go to the cinemas, go shopping or just have fun! maybe go boy hunting with a bunch of mates and see if you can get a few numbers! or you just might randomly find that guy who will take you off your feet and you'll look back on what you felt for your teacher and smile. it will have helped you to find happiness again right? or join a site like bebo or tagged if you havent already got an account there because you can make new friends to take your mind off things :)
good luck hun! x
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A
female
reader, xAngels  +, writes (13 April 2009):
Hey!I'm in the same situation as you are and I am in no However, even though you do have these strange feelings for your teacher you MUST NOT under any circumstance tell your teacher about your feelings whilst your still in school. When you finish high school, then you can, but I doubt you will still have feelings for him by that time. It's part of a teenage girl's hormones. Boys fantasize about sex all the time and girls become infatuated with the man of there supposed 'dreams.' It's just life and I'm sorry to say it's true. I suggest you to keep studying and try to avoid your teacher as much as possible even around school during the breaks.Although, if you did not like my answer as I have suggested, this kind of feeling your having may just be 'platonic love' named after Pluto as famous historian, etc... It's a feeling you have that is none sexual but with great admiration for the man in question and can be easily confused with love. I suggest you to google it and understand more about it as you may just be mistaken for what's real and what's not.Well, take care!x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): Hi.I am really sorry to hear how much this is distressing you. It sounds as though there are a lot of painful feelings involved, and this must be really unpleasant.You say that you feel like you will never feel like this about anybody else, and you worry that no one will love you. That sounds like a very lonely feeling. You also compare yourself to your teacher's girlfriend, and feel unimportant next to him. Do you feel like this at any other times, or is it just when you think about this teacher?You seem to have a very negative opinion about yourself. When your self-esteem is low, things can seem very difficult. I wonder if there is someone you could talk to about this? Sometimes when we keep things bottled up to ourselves, the problems seem worse and more intense. Sometimes sharing them can be a relief, and can help you look at things differently.Is this a teacher that you have to see a lot? Would it be possible to see him less at all? Maybe it might help to try and remember that this guy, although he seems perfect, is really just a human like everybody else. He must seem even more perfect at school, because it is his job to act in a certain, responsible way. But when he is at home, he probably behaves just like anybody else. He will get angry, be grumpy, make mistakes, and do other less than perfect things, like everybody does sometimes.Maybe you could also try and be nicer to yourself. Perhaps you could try and make a list of all of the positive things about you, or ask your friends or family if this is difficult. Although it can be very difficult to stop thinking about certain things or people, maybe you could think of ways that you could distract yourself when you start to think of this teacher, so you are prepared for when it happens.I do hope that you start to feel better in time, and that you realise that you are lovable person who is just as good as anybody else, with a lot to offer.-Sam.
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