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anonymous
writes: I have been suffering from severe depression for four months now, and through the whole thing ive had a lot of support from a good friend of mine. After a few weeks, I started getting very strong feelings for her. Feelings that are stronger than any that I have ever felt for an individual before. I knew nothing could happen as she was already in a relationship and I thought that it was all part of my illness, so I had no problems with telling her how I felt. As time went on though, the feelings were still there and stronger than ever. When I asked her how she felt about me, she said that she didn't like me in that way. Obviously, I was disheartened, but not overly so, as I knew that she was already in a relationship. However, a few weeks ago she started a relationship with one of my best friends, somebody who I had explained my feelings and my situation to. He never gave me any indication that he liked her in that way aswell, and neither of them informed me that they were getting together before it happened, despite both of them knowing my feelings. The whole episode has thrown me into a deeper depression than I was in already, I have lost one of my best friends, I haven't spoken to him since he started things with her. I feel like he has stabbed me in the back. Also, She doesn't seem as willing to help me with my sickness as she used to. I still want her in my life, but every time I see them together, I feel physically sick, and very depressed. I feel very lonely. I have avoided them both now for eight days, but I still cant stop thinking about her. I am seeing a doctor about my depression, so I do not expect you to give me advice on that side of things. I have written Her a ten page letter, sent her many text messages and spent two hours talking to her on the phone one morning, willing her to carry on helping me. But it does not seem to have made a difference. I don't know what to do. Should I carry on pursuing her? Should I avoid her? Should I try to get over her? How? I am in a lot of emotional pain over this, and i would appreciate it very much if you could give me your opinion on my situation, and your advice on how I can deal with it. Thankyou very much for reading. :-(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Lucy, writes (3 February 2005): I am sorry to hear what a hard time you are having. I can understand how hurt you must feel by this and I really do sympathise with you. However you need to stop pestering her. She will only resent you for this. You will not be able to persuade her to go out with you instead. Instead work on yourself. Take up some new hobbies to fill your time and help you make some new friends. Sports are especially good as excercise releases endorphins which will lift your mood and many people find exercise a useful aid in living with depression. Sport could well be a useful outlet for any agression you may feel. Studies have shown that playing sport is an excellent way of making friends as after an hour of sport with a person, you feel a closer bond with them than after 5 hours of sedentsry activites.I know you are seeing a doctor about your depression and that's excellent. Are you taking any medication for it? Ask your doctor whether he/she can prescribe you anything to help while you get yourself back on track. Are you receiving counselling? If not, I think you should consider this.Once you've sorted yourself out, hopefully you will see that though the situation is very painful for you: the people in question have not actually done anything wrong. It seems a terrible shame to lose the friendship of both of them. So perhaps when the time is right you can move on and patch things up. If it is too painful at the moment, give yourself some time apart to accept the situation.Hope this helps a bit.
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