A
male
age
36-40,
*g
writes:I'm a 20yr old male, in college.people tell me that I have a paternal streak, or as some call it "old man syndrome". What I take that to mean is that I'm a bit of a downer, the "dependable one" and it shows in the way I treat people. The issue is that emotions that I've been feeling for some women aren't sexual or even for personal gain but anchored in concern for another. I'll give an example.A year ago I met two young women yonger than myself) in a calculus class. One was slighty flirtatious the other very reserved. We'll call them miss mild and miss wild). I hads made an assumption that they would continue upon these paths and eventually intensify these traits as they matured (as college is a MAKE OR BREAK experience in many people's lives).By now the tables have turned, miss wild has actually gotten engaged to a friend of mine and is now the picture of happiness and reservation. The other who I am very concerned about has become both unfocused and reckless in her relationships.In the time in between miss mild has ended up with several of my friends (friends but also dirtbags) at first she was very accepting of my advice to court but not keep (by which I imply do not sleep with them). But now she seems to have broken up and has one week stands with a different man four time a month. One freshman who came bragging to me about his stand with her, by his fault and his own admission I now know she has contracted gonorrhea.The issue is that as much as I try to keep her out of mind, I have a genuine concern for her and as she begins to suffer consequence of her actions I can only watch, unable to help.My question is:1) Is is wrong or unusual FOR ME to be so concerned about this girl if I have no personal investment in her well being?2) How can I try to intervene (other than buffering off the worst of my unclean, uncivilized friends)? Remebers she's a very formal friend not a former lover and there isn't an intimate personal conection.
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female
reader, Asked Angel  +, writes (20 December 2008):
 No It is not wrong or unusual for you to be concerned for a friend. But there is nothing you can do to help someone if they continue to make bad choices over and over again.
Does your friends come to you for help and advice?
Or do you see her in trouble and want to help, if she is not coming to you, you may need to take a step back and be there when/if she comes to you.
Some people may say that she is mearly being a typical teenager enjoying being young free and single.
I don't happen to agree with this being 'Loose' is sometimes nothing to do with sex but having no confidence in yourself and thinking that is the only way to get people to like you.
Basically you CANNOT intervine she is a grown (soon to be) women and all you can do is continue to be there for her when/if she needs you.
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