A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My daughter is my only child and only grand child of my late husbands parents... Since my husband passed away 5 years ago she has become queen bee in terms of her grandparents and spends an awful lot of time with them, holidays Christmas, I've never got along with them (the mother really) but we all do agree on is they are good for and adore my girl which is what she needs as her dad is dead.. The problem I have is my sister in law who's 44 is suprisingly pregnant after years of ivf.. I just heard it's a girl, and my daughter (who's 11 now) is devastated and is worried she's going to be pushed out (and I secretly agree she will) how do I deal with this with the in laws ( who hate me) without sounding a bot selfish and werid? Thanks
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (14 November 2010):
 I think you have accept this situation is out of your control. If you say anything outright to your in-laws then it maybe twisted to make you look bad and jealous. I am not suggesting this is how you are. You seem to be reasonably minded about the whole thing. However, your daughter has just got to adjust to sharing the grandparents attention with a new baby. The best thing that the grandparents could do is to actively include your daughter in caring for the baby - making her feel like a grown-up girl. She may be less inclined to be jealous of the new baby then if she sees it is no competition for her. Irrespective of your dislike for this side of the family, it is a miracle that your sister-in-law had a baby by IVF at her age. It is also nice that your daughter can see her grandparents freely. I think if you focus on the positive side to the whole situation then it will work out ok in the end.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 November 2010):
 Am sure if they show your daughter plenty of attention now that they are not just going to ignore her when the baby arrives. Sure they will need to split there attention but they've known and loved your daughter for 11 years that love wont just go away because they are having another grand daughter.
I think it would be best if you rang her grandparents and just mentioned to them that your daughter is feeling worried that she is going to be pushed out, dont tell them how you feel and dont accuse them of anything just tell them your daughter is quite worried just so they know how she is feeling.
she is at the age were she will be quite jelous of a new baby in her family as she is used to being the only child at her grand parents. Sit down and talk to her and try and get her to see that she will have a new cousin that she should love and there will be someone then for her to play with and even help her grand parents look after the baby, try and get her excited instead of feeling left out.
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