A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a straight guy with little romantic experience: I've been on two first dates and have kissed but am still a virgin.I've been happy to focus on my studies at university and indulging on my interests and hobbies. I've always had an open mind when meeting women, but now I've become reluctant to ask women out.On the dates I've been on I must give mixed messages. I show interest verbally and with my body language yet I can never read her's with enough confidence to ever chance innocent intimacy. I'm so wary of being seen as a touchy creep.A significant factor in this is my lack of intimate experience. I don't know when it's right to hold a girl's hand or kiss her so I'm extremely reluctant to touch women unless I'm completely sure she's comfortable with it. I know I can't ask her permission because that would be even stranger.I feel very silly. I've proved to myself that I can take a girl on a date. It's like an aura that hangs over me despite being happy with my appearance and the most confident I've ever been.What can I do about this?
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confidence, mixed messages, still a virgin, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (8 January 2016):
Be a man and take charge. Grab her hand in a way that shows you are deserving of it and expect it. Kiss her the same way. There are no "steps." Steps are a cowards way of trying to stage things. When you feel it, go for it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2016): Try using your instincts. If she smiles a lot when you're together, that's permission to reach out to hold her hand.
If she draws close to you and looks into your eyes, ask for a kiss. Put your arm around her shoulders or hold her hand whenever you're walking outside. Women love that.
You freeze-up, over-analyzing her like she's an alien from another planet.
99.999% of the "virgin" males who write DC are terrified of women. Follow your male instincts. Everything you do isn't taught or learned, some of it is your male instinct. You don't have to have boinked a woman to know how to treat her like you like her and think she's pretty!
Practice your communication and interactive skills.
You're stiff and analytical; because you (like so many millennials) have allowed real-life to pass you by while techno-cizing your human feelings away! Every move you make doesn't have to be planned or precise! Nor overly respectful, she's a person. Over polite is for elderly women and men. Just relax and hold out your hand when you walk, she'll take it. Keep her waiting to see a man in you, and she'll just roll her eyes when you're not looking; and turn you down the next time you ask her out.
I sat at the air port recently, watching an approximately 14 year-old boy, charming the daylights out of a pretty girl around his own age.
They were just chatting, and she was blushing and gushing over his attention. Where do you think he learned that? He's only a kid! Both put their phones down and just enjoyed talking to each other. They were total strangers!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 January 2016):
 Do you have any female friends or role models you can talk to about this?
I wouldn't worry to much about kissing or holding hands, there has to be a connection between you and a date first so therefore I suggest that you concentrate more on conversation and just having a laugh.
If a girl likes you she will go on a second date and am sure you can read the lines if there is flirting going on or not.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (7 January 2016):
 What were you doing in your teens when the rest of us were dating, going to dances, or just hanging out? It seems like your social skills have had a bypass.
Well you ave to go back to school now. It starts with taking a chance. No-one can teach you timing. No-one can show you when it is the right moment. You have to take a chance and start learning to read people. Little mistakes are easily forgiven, Don't worry.
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