A
male
age
36-40,
*oward999
writes:Sometimes I meet an attractive girl but then find she's very naive (has many male friends and doesn't believe that most of them just want to get in her pants eventually). That puts me off because I think I wouldn't be able to handle the jealousy, but that's just me. However, I'd like to know how the men here deal with a naive girlfriend (i.e. you didn't dump her). Do you act with confidence and blindly trust on her; or you set strict boundaries, which would make you appear controlling?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 July 2014):
 Being naive doesn't mean stupid or incapable of being faithful.
As for you suggesting to "set strict boundaries" - you are NOT her daddy you are her (potential) BF, so while you can AGREE on some boundaries (which would mean what goes for her goes for you)setting specific boundaries for her sounds ridiculous.
As for male friends, as long as SHE understands the difference between being friends and dating and as long as she HERSELF can set boundaries I don't see why she would need for a BF to set boundaries FOR her. Now if she "thinks" sexting, flirting, cuddling and kissing is OK with male friends, I just wouldn't date her. Because THAT is not being naive. THAT is being an attention whore.
I have ALWAYS had many male friend and NEVER crossed lines with ANY of them. Yes, I have slept at their houses (after a party) I have gone to lunch, dinner, poker nights and so forth and never crossed the line. And I have NEVER dated a good guy who had problems with my male friend. The only BF who had problems with my males friend turned out to be a huge douche canoe, who tried to keep me isolated from my friend, I couldn't have male friend but he could have female friend... Because HE didn't "trust" my male friends (which was utter BS) Because no matter what either he trusted ME to shoot any shenanigans down or he didn't. He didn't. And later I found out why, he was a lying cheating bugger...
So.. respect your GF, if you think she is too chummy with her male friends talk to her, if she doesn't respect your views she might not BE for you.
BUT just because YOU think her male friend ONLY want sex, doesn't mean you are right. And assuming she is so dense she can't tell the difference between a guy who is JUST a friend and a guy with ulterior motives is kind of belittling. Don't you think?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2014): I have to ask you a few things. How do you know these guys only want sex? Are you assuming this only because you found these women attractive? It IS possible for you to be attracted to a woman and for a different guy NOT to be. How long did these women know their male friends? If they knew them since childhood then it's certainly possible they are strictly platonic. They may view a female friend more as a sister than a romantic or sexual interest.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 July 2014):
 Im not a man, but I can tell you my experience with naive men. Yes, men can be naive too... Just so you know. I've had two naive boyfriends in the past. In neither case was the women a problem in the relationship. They both were very handsome, charming, and drew women to them. With the one guy it wasn't ever problematic. He was naive, sure, and he could be out on the dance floor getting hot and heavy with other women. But he always came to me asking for me to come join him, because he liked me better than dancing with the others. He always gave me his full attention 100%, he didn't have eyes for the others. He was hopelessly in love with me, there was no doubt about it, his face would lit up when he saw me, and he never looked at other women that way. So I was never intimidated by the other women, because it was so obvious who his heart belonged to, and he was proud to show me off to everyone and to call me his. He would often invite me with him to meet these other girls he had met, he thought they were just friendly (I knew better) and introduce me with a big grin because he was so glad to call me his.. And I always thought it was the most amusing thing, because you could see how these women tried their best to not look disappointed.. It was hilarious. It was so much fun I actually enjoyed watching them flock around him, knowing they didn't stand a chance.
The second guy, it was somewhat the same, but he was even more naive.. And unfortunately it became a problem. Not because he was interested in any of the others, but because he was too nice I guess... Then again, this came across with others too, not just girls who liked him, and it was more like his eager to please others is what was the problem.. He was always trying to make everyone like him, running errands for complete strangers. And all this running errands for others, offering himself to others, trying to help others.. It was nice, sure, but it got out of hand, and resulted in him not having time for me, time to help me with things, or do things with me. But like I said, it wasn't as much a problem when it came to other women, it was more of a problem in general when it came to everyone, even his parents, siblings, friends, other women, or complete strangers... I was mostly jealous of his FRIENDS actually, and not the other women who flocked to him, because he spent so much of his time with his friends, putting them first, running their errands, letting them take advantage of him, that there was no time for me. There was no room for me in the relationship.
Well, those are my experiences. Based on this, I wouldn't have a problem with a man who is naive when it comes to other women. But there is a line between when it is okay, and when it becomes unhealthy and self destructive. Being naive is one thing, being taken advantage of, and being so extremely eager to please others that you can't find time for your relationship... well that's a whole other story. If the person you are with puts you first, and knows how to prioritize a relationship and nurture a relationship, then being naive wont be a problem, because you will have trust in them and know where you have them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2014): Some pretty girls are aware that their male friends want in their pants. But whole lot of them are still in denial.
I think you handle it like anything else. Tell her what you think about her friends and how you feel about it. Don't keep nagging her about the whole thing. Just make your opinion clear to her and leave it at that. Set boundaries however you are comfortable like with any other girl. If she violates them, she violates them.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (2 July 2014):
 Just because a woman has lots of male friends doesn't mean she is naïve. In fact I would say its naïve on your part to assume that she doesn't know these guys want her body. Whether she acts upon that is a different matter. Its one thing to be naïve, another for her to let herself be taken advantage of.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2014): Sorry I am not a guy. but people have called me naïve. trust me. I'm not. Some girls play naïve because they like attention or they just play dumb because they think all guys like that. I understand where your coming from though. some guys can be naïve.
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