A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a new relationship where I have been seeing this girl for two months. I like her but I have feelings for another woman who I have known for a year and a half. She is a client of my company and I see her often through work and we have become friends. I am dating this one woman but I just can't seem to get this other girl out of my mind. She is beautiful, funny and everything any guy would want. The problem is she is separated. I am not sure if I should trust her or not. I have been burned in the past by women and I am afraid of my feelings right now. I find myself being pulled towards her but then I pull away because I am protecting myself from being hurt by her.I am feeling a lot for her but I am afraid that she will hurt me because she is still not completely free of her marriage, even though she told me she has feelings for me.I have started dating another girl because I am trying to move on but my feelings for this other woman will not go away. The feelings and attraction keep building.What do I do? I know that she wants to be with me and my uncertainty and mistrust is hurting her. I don't want to lose her either but I am afraid of moving forward. I have never told her how I feel. I have always kept it to myself. Should I tell her? I would hate to be with this one girl and lead her on when I am feeling this way for another woman.Thank you for your help.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 June 2012):
 So you are dating ONE girl to get another girl out of your head and you aren't being successful at it.
What you need to do is be honest with the girl you are dating, you obviously don't care for her as much as you might want to care or as much as she might care for you. Stop leading her on. You can not date a girl until you find greener grass. Or until you decide to go for the separated woman.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 June 2012):
 What you are doing right now is leading this other girl on. I know you do not want to do that, but in truth it is exactly what you are doing. So I think you should do the right thing, end things with your current girlfriend, just tell her that things are not working out for you. It is the kindest thing to do, as you are not committing to her 100% when it is another woman you want to be with, so allow her to get out now before she falls any deeper for you.
As for this other woman, she has clearly told you she likes you, but you don't trust her to commit to you. I can't see why not? Has she just recently got out of her marriage?
If she is separated there must be a good reason for this and she is moving on with her life now, this does not mean she should not be trusted. So yes I think the best thing for you to do is to tell her how you feel about her, and share your worries with her as well if it will make you feel better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2012): It sounds like you do not have much passion for the girl you are currently seeing. Not as in sexual passion, but just the passion and interest to date her. If you don't think you really like her, do both of you a favor and move on. I think that is the first issue you need to look at. Speaking from experience, work relationships can be very tricky. If you like this woman at work, the only thing to do is get to know her a little better and what she is looking for. Is she even ready to jump into another relationship with someone? If you have feelings for this woman, but not so much for your girlfriend, it's better to be true to yourself and explore what you think you want. I would think long and hard about whether this woman at work is someone you could really have a relationship with though. Does she have the same values as you? Do you have things in common with her. I wouldn't jump into anything with either until you figure out what/who you really want in your life.
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