A
female
age
36-40,
*helabean
writes:I got myself into a pickle. I think I'm in love with this man I've been dating for a year. I'm 24 and he's 37. In this time we have only fooled around but never had sex. I will pleasure him but he has never touched me down there. He will unsnap my bra and tease me but when I ask him to pleasure me he says "you're putting too much pressure on me."We recently had a talk about this problem and I told him I would really like it if he reciprocated the favor. He said "what if we had sex all the time?, then instead of these pressures that were dealing with now, we would have those pressures."I told him I would rather deal with those pressures because those are somewhat normal. I'm 24 years old and I have been dating a man for a year and he hasn't touched me. I told him I am a sexual person and all I want is for him to want to try and pleasure me. and then I said "What do you want me to do? He got extremely defensive and said "don't put that on me!" I asked do you just want to be friends then? He was quiet but he reached over and started tracing his finger around my boob. I took that as a "no".I am confused as hell. I don't know what to do. I love him but I want him to want me. He says that I am feeling bad for myself and that I am making a big deal out of this. Now I feel wrong for wanting this. Am I wrong? Everything else in the relationship seems to be wonderful. I just don't know what to do or what to say. I want to stick up for myself and not just "deal" with it but I'm not sure how to do that. I want this to work out. I feel stupid...Thank you for your help,Chelsey
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 January 2012):
 Good luck. Be brave, stay on message, tell him it's over and cut contact. It is not your responsibility to hold his hand now. Nor do you give him a farewell BJ. No boob-touching!
A
female
reader, Chelabean +, writes (18 January 2012):
Chelabean is verified as being by the original poster of the question I will be honest, everything i read was hard to hear (it made me cry) but I needed to hear it. I know I sound pretty weak and I am. I'm going to take your advice.Thank you,Chelsey
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 January 2012):
 Boy oh boy. Dating a year, and it's an argument over his being sexual with you? He shows no hunger except for you to go down on him?
He's either a 37 year old virgin, or he's gay.
Either way, my creepy meter is off the charts.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 January 2012):
 oh i like Tisha's answer better than mine!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 January 2012):
'I asked do you just want to be friends then? He was quiet but he reached over and started tracing his finger around my boob. I took that as a "no".'
That's not an answer. That's a guy who's trying to distract you. We have a 37 year old presumably healthy male who only TAKES sexual pleasure and never reciprocates? Well, I hate to tell you but you are the one who tacitly agreed to this by continuing the sexual favors. When you challenge him, he distracts you by touching your boobs. And you allow that.
He doesn't want you the way you would like. He doesn't understand that you are unhappy, or he doesn't really care enough to make it a balanced situation.
I'll tell you what, life is too short to be some selfish guy's sexual vending machine. Get out. Be his platonic friend as that's all going great but go find a guy who matches your libido and your desires. This guy is a one-way street. And all he has to do is distract you, tell you that you are making too much of a big deal about it, and you cave. He touches your boob and you cave.
Here's a little spinal column for you to use: :=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:
"This isn't working out for me. It does matter to me that you don't reciprocate. You've had a year to figure it out, that's all I'm prepared to give you. Thanks for the companionship; I'll miss that, but I am going to move on and find a guy who matches me better. Good luck with everything."
A year. A 37 year old man who has never reciprocated. Um, girl, this is on you now. Move on.
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A
female
reader, MaxineMaxine +, writes (18 January 2012):
I dated that guy. For 6 months he adored me, cooked for me, we went everywhere, did everything, he would gaze at me and just seemed to love me to pieces like I loved him. But he wouldn't so much as kiss me. It drove me crazy. I battled myself daily about wanting him and treading this ground lightly: bring it up, don't bring it up, bring it up, don't bring it up. Every day was a confusing dream. When I would muster up the nerve to talk about it, gently, he would dodge and weave like a prize fighter. Finally I tired of it and let him go. Sometimes there is just no answer - sometimes, in order to save your SANITY, you just have to walk away. Sometimes, you can't fix what's broken.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 January 2012):
Stop pleasuring him. That's the first step.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (18 January 2012):
This guy is 37 and still hasn't had sex with you after a year, but he allows you to pleasure him? This situation is highly unusual. You're 24 and in your prime, and as you said you have needs. Honestly, I'm shocked you have allowed this to go on so long.
You've brought it up and he gets defensive and doesn't take action. That makes the situation pretty clear. My advice is to cut your losses and move on. I'm sure you can find someone who is into you and with whom you can have a mutually satisfying sexual relationship. Letting this guy string you along any further is a bad idea in my opinion.
Best of luck!
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