A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I'm having a crush on this one guy who doesn't even know. Although he is quite short, not good looking, but is very outgoing and funny. His jokes make me laugh all the time. And he and I share the same Chinese cultural background. So i find it more comfortable being around him.At the same time, I found out that a guy in class in having a crush on me. He's tall, ok looking, but seems to be shy. I don't really talk or know him, so it shocks me when i found out that he likes me. However, he is white. I'm not being racist but I really cant date people of different race. My parents won't allow it, and I dont think I will be comfortable with it. He seems nice and everything, but I wish it was the Chinese guy who likes me.What can I do now? Should i give this American guy a chance? He did ask me to go out for some tea and study together, and I said yes without careful thinking, which I freaked out afterward as I realize that i was leading him on. I didnt even meant to lead anyone on. But i like the Chinese guy, he just doesnt seem to pay any special attention to me except for a few conversation lines (that's how I feel)Adding to my problem, I'm still feeling a little weird about my ex who recently dumped me for another girl, I guess sometimes it hurts thinking about him.I feel lost and confused, not knowign what to do
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (30 October 2009):
 Is it appropriate to let the Chinese Man know you are interested? As a white Canadian, I am unfamiliar with this aspect of Chinese culture, but I always find happiness when I aim for the things in life I actually want. If this is not possible, come back here and we'll talk more about it.I can understand not wanting to date outside of your culture. It is not racist; it can be practical. For those that do.. Good for them! :-) That doesn't mean everyone has to or be labelled racist. Having tea with the American doesn't have to be leading him on. You are allowed to approach this type of scenario with an open mind, even if you are unsure of the outcome because the first "date" or "meet" will give you more information.While there, you can easily study with him and get to know him. It’s possible you may make a new friend. A more comfortable alternative may be to talk to him prior to the date. Tell him you are happy to make a new friend and still wish to go for tea and to study with him if he is interested, but that you do not date outside of your culture. OR, you could say you just ended a relationship and are not looking for anything more than friends right now. It is even acceptable to gracefully cancel the study date, or alter it so that it makes you feel more comfortable (inviting a few other friends, for example).Honesty is always the best policy; providing it is delivered in a way that minimizes how badly someone may feel.You are on the path to recovering from the break-up with you ex-boyfriend. You are investing yourself in school; your studies, and opening yourself to other possible loves. Just keep walking that path towards your future and you will stop having unpleasant feelings associated with thoughts of your ex-beau.And try and remember that just because a guy likes you, you do not have to like him back (the American guy, for example). It is a fabulous compliment, which you should accept with grace, but after that your obligation is met.Good luck, friend. :-)
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