A
male
age
41-50,
*mit
writes:Last year I got a location transfer in my company and met a beautiful young lady at a company workshop. We were in same team and got along well. She was perfect in a lot of ways for me. It was kind of love at first sight (or first meeting)I kept in touch at workplace and though her interest level was not high ( I know its a mistake ), I kept in touch and we remained friendly. Then one day I asked her out on a simple date for coffee and a movie. She invited me to join in with her friends (a subtle way of refusing the date, I'd beleive).I kept persisting and subsequently, she obliged for a date. But then I realised that her interest level was pretty low. I figured out she has a boyfriend. With not so much research, I came to know that she had a long time boyfriend who is now out of country for work. His time of going away, coincided with my first request for date. Since our date didn't turn up well, I tried to keep my emotions in check, but then we were involved in a lot of office activities and had to interact often. SLowly our understanding improved and now our interactions are mostly personal. She would tell me how she felt about her friends, both male and female. She seeks advice on her work and also her behaviour to others (she has a slightly short temper and I adviced her on this, since then she asks me all behavioural helps too), she tells me about who has a crush on her, who made a pass on her, about her brothers and sisters and how her relationship with all of them is. This behaviour really surprised me as I did not think we were so close. Over last couple of months, she asks me everything, from where to take her visiting sister out for lunch, to how could she treat an eye itching, to get her a medicine if her head aches. She calls me at any time and expects me to be there for her at all times to help. On my part I have helped her as and when required and even told her that I care a lot for her. But I have not asked for a date since, though we frequently are out together in group, even in office we often eat out together.Now I am practically crazy about this girl and really dont understand what she feels. She trusts me more than anyone in office and we talk often. But the only thing is she never discusses her boyfriend and changes the topic when I ask. Now her boyfriend is set to return in a few months and I do not know how to proceed as I've heard that one should never ask a girl out, if she has a boyfriend. I also fear if she is plainly using me or there is a chance that she has developed some feelings for me. please advise.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (14 March 2009):
It sounds like she really likes you as a friend since you get on so well, and since she is lonely and sad with her boyfriend being away, she is leaning on her male friends (you) for support.
This is all well and good for her and when her boyfriend comes back she will probably live happily ever after.
But for you it's crap.
What you need to do is try and get some distance between you. You need to realise that if it hasn't happened by now it never will. You can either tell her how you feel and how you need to take some time away from her to get over her, or you can just stop being there for her so much and hope that she figures it out.
Either way you are setting yourself up for heartbreak if you carry on the same. You have to really try and back away and end your feelings. It's sad but until you do, you'll never find a girl who would love you back.
Good Luck!! xx
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