A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So there's this guy i've been hanging out with at uni. We're both 18, and he seems like a genuine lovely guy. Anyway the other night we were both out at a party with separate groups, but ended up hanging together, kissing etc. I should point out we both had had a lot to drink. Anyway he walked me home and ended up coming in, we just chatted for ages and made out a bit. After a few hours of chatting and messing around we decided to have sex but when it came to putting the condom on he just went soft... I mean he was hard all night! So obviously that didn't work... we kept chatting almost all night but the oppertunity didn't arise again. Even though this happened it wasn't really awkward, probably because we were both drunk, and I didn't really make a big deal out of it, I mean I didn't really care, it happens. He seemed kinda annoyed though. Anyway he said he'd come over the night after (he actually suggested it). So when I was on my way back from training practise I text him to say i'd be back soon and he said he wasn't sure if he could come now, he'd let me know. But he never did. So now i'm really worried he's thought about it and either finds it too awkward to come round, or that its something about me that made him unable to get it up. I know alcohol doesn't help, but this has never happened before... and now I think he's ignoring me. Suppose he could just be tired as we actually didn't sleep at all that night, but even so... what do you guys think??
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condom, drunk, kissing, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe text me today :)
He did mention it but I said to forget it because it was so insignificant, so hopefully things will go well from now!
A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (15 October 2011):
 Thew technical term is "Brewer's Droop"!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 October 2011):
 He has probably cut contact now because he just does not no what to do. Give it maybe 5 or 6 days if you still haven't heard from him send him a text and make sure you tell him you really want to see him. That should raise his confidence a bit.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (15 October 2011):
 Alcohol can definitely be detrimental to sexual performance by a man, although in my experience, the effect is stronger with age. Inexperience may also be a factor with your "lovely guy."
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (14 October 2011):
 Happens to the best of us. The frustration factor is intense when it does.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks :) i'm just really worried as he hasn't contacted me at all since he couldn't come over so I don't know whether he'll just avoid me now... he seemed really keen before! And I don't want to bug him with messages so i'm staying quiet!
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A
male
reader, Htsn47 +, writes (14 October 2011):
 From a male perspective, I can definitely sympathize. Even if it's not a big deal for the woman, it's always a big deal for the guy. We feel like we spend 99% of our lives ready for sex at the drop of a hat (or your pants), and then when the moment arrives, suddenly we aren't! The universe has a wicked sense of irony.From your description, I think it was alcohol and fatigue that was the biggest issue here. He might be avoiding you because he's afraid it will happen again - that's a big, scary thing in a guy's mind. Trust me, the problem can grow in our heads which really makes the situation worse. You could be seeing avoidance, not of you but of the situation, because he's worried that it'll happen again.You never said if he was erect before the condom came out. It's not uncommon for men to have trouble maintaining an erection in the time it takes to put the condom on. It takes us out of the moment, we stop thinking about you and start thinking about the mechanics of opening a package, etc. Not very erotic!You also say you chatted and made out for "hours". That, combined with the alcohol, maybe was just too much. I had a similar situation. We played around without intercourse for 4 hours and then by the time we decided we wanted to have sex, I was "played out". The condom was the issue - once I had it on, I couldn't get hard enough for intercourse.If you really like this guy, maybe it's worth taking a chance and being a little forward and make sure you see each other again. Don't be subtle! That will send him a strong signal that you really want to see him again and that what happened that night was not a big deal for you. Remember, it might be obvious to you that he should know you want him - after all, you were ready to have sex with him - but don't forget all those doubts that sprouted when he ran into trouble.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (14 October 2011):
Am pretty sure it has nothing to do with you and it has everything to do with him plucking up the courage to see you again. Am glad you didn't make a big deal out of it but I bet he was still really embarressed and feels quite ashamed. When this happens to a man it really can damage there ego for a while. My guess is that he likes you and now he just needs to pluck up the courage again to see you because he has had time now to think about what happened and it is probably playing on his mind. But yes he may just be tired or is genuinely busy and can't call around. Just don't think that it has anything to do with you why he went soft. Just try and forget about it and hopefully he will come and see you soon. Good luck.
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