A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was dating a great guy for seven weeks, and we broke up about a week ago. We were exclusive very early on (he brought up the conversation). We live two hours away from each other which was difficult, but things were great. There was chemistry on every level, and he made it very clear that he saw potential for a long term relationship with me, and that that's what he was looking for. He was sweet and attentive and called me everyday starting immediately after our first date. He talked about trips he wanted to go on with me, and about wanting to meet my family. We definitely rushed things, which I shouldn't have let happen, but I really liked him and let myself get carried away because it was hard not to. I was pretty certain he was about to tell me he loved me, I thought he was feeling me out to see if he should say it. I didn't really affirm his testing because I thought it would be a bit soon to say that even though I was definitely falling for him. After a few days of what I assumed was him testing the waters he started to get a bit distant. He broke up with me about a week ago. It's actually the only time a guy has ever broken up with me and I've felt like he was being honest about the reasons. At any rate, he said that he really enjoyed spending time with me and is very attracted to me, but that it didn't seem like "we" were crazy in love, and that while we might slowly fall in love over time, it was too difficult/risky to explore that not living near each other. I didn't beg or anything, but I was honest and just said it seemed like he was underestimating my feelings for him, and that while it wasn't what I wanted to hear I appreciated his honesty and didn't have any bad feelings towards him. The break up exchange was over email, and that's the last interaction we had. A couple of years ago he broke up with a very long term ex he dated for like ten years, and I don't think he's totally over her. I don't think he wants to get back together with her (the relationship definitely had a lot of not so great things about it) but I don't think he's totally over it which is understandable. He talked about it a lot and a lot of her stuff is still at his place (she moved out of the country and so she left a lot of her stuff). He hasn't been in a serious relationship since (he has always been the dumper in his short term relationships) and I think what was going on between us may have been new territory for him and he may not have realized he wasn't as ready to jump into something serious as he thought he was (he sort of hinted at that in the breakup email). I will be moving to the area he lives in the next year (I used to live there, and that has been my plan all along).I realize this was a very short relationship, but I've been in short term relationships before (both where I was the dumper and dumpee) and have never missed someone so much or felt like the breakup was a mistake so much. Usually after a week I sort of don't care anymore.I don't think I'd want to jump into dating him again, because I think he needs to date more and do some more processing regarding the ex, but I would like to be friends with him and just see if something could develop out of that.I'm not going to wait around on him, but do you think there's any chance we might get back together in the future? Has anyone been in a similar situation? I think he'd be open to being friends. I want more time without contact first to stop hurting, but if I decide I'd like to be friends with him, how should I go about letting him know that without seeming like I'm desperate?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 November 2011):
 Give yourself the space that you need to get over him. Once you feel you can deal with just being friends well then drop him an email and tell him you would like to stay in contact and be friends if he is up for that. I think you are right and he is just not ready to move on yet. It is not healthy for him to still have his ex's stuff lying around after all this time, to me it seems he just does not want to let go and lives in hope that she might come back to him one day. Off course he is going to have to let go some day, but for now I don't think you should raise your hopes up about getting back with him any time soon because he really needs time to come to terms with the break up of his long relationship and he needs to accept that it is over and move on. He just needs time I guess.
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