A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I was friends with a man for several years. We pretty much knew each other as married and considered ourselves co-worker/friends. I hadn't seen him for awhile until we both joined a work sports league. We got to know each other and found we were both single. He was complaining that he couldn't find anyone to date so I suggested he ask me. He said, we'll we're just friends, aren't we? A few weeks later he agreed to spend to come to dinner. He brought me a gift and some of the food and we had a great time. We kissed several times and I was certain there would be more.A few days later he said "I had a great time but I've been through a couple of marriages and I just don't want to go there with you. I'm not ready for a relatioship. But I do want to continue to be friends with you." That was almost 4 months ago. So we became very close friends. He took me out for my birthday and we spend Valentine's Day together-he bought me a rose and a card. We had another discussion about us and he said "it's just not there for me. I wish it was because you have a lot going for you." I was a little crushed and pulled away a little from the friendship because I felt I was getting more drawn in and he was sending conflicting messages.The friendship then took a turn to be even closer and we spend a significant amount of time together. I believe I am his best friend and he is mine. He does nice things for me and when he picked out his house he made sure I was along to "approve" it. He wanted to be sure that everything he does I approve of like selecting kitchen cupboards (he made me pick), curtains, etc. Now some of this may be a woman's touch but when I said I wanted a backyard with trees for my next house he said "does my backyard have enough trees?" He relates what I want to what he has.The last time we had the talk about "just friends" he was saying something like "are you ok with our relationship?" and I said "yes, we have to just be friends because I am not certain I want more at this time from anyone." We talk about dating but he tells me he's just not ready but then he complains about no-one wanting him. I don't want to date anyone at this time because I have fallen in love with my best friend and the only one I want is him. He has not kissed me (except on the side of the head) since the one date. He hugs me all the time and will rub my shoulders and back. He has asked me what I like sexually and we are honest and able to communicate with each other very well. Except I am not honest about how I feel for him and I suspect he is not completely honest either. He wants me to spend a lot of time with him. He asks my opinion on everything.My question. Is this friendship capable of moving beyond frienship given time? Or once a friend always a friend?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): Yes, several times in my crazy life, I have! Twice, It was known all we could ever be is friends. I accepted that and tried to keep my true feelings to myself...accepting and valuing what I did have with them. The other time...I had this male friend for about a year, we did everything together. It was truly a wonderful friendship. But in the second year of our friendship, he changed...he confided in me that he wanted more than just a friendship...he wanted to take care of me and love me. At first I was hesitant. I should've stayed that way! Within 18 months we had gotten engaged, and broken up! I lost a really good friend!
My point is that No One knows what will be! All you can be is honest and share what you do have. Tell him your feelings...it seems that is what he wants! There are no garauntees in life...we gotta take risks!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would like to add that we have had a conversation about us several times and I have told him that I felt we were perfect for each other. I know I was not honest with him the last time but I believe he does know how I feel about him. I know if I had a close male friend who I felt was falling for me I would distance myself and would not feel comfortable around them. Yet he knows how I have felt but he keeps me very close.
But I think there is some truth to what you say. I should distance myself a little from him because if he does find a girlfriend, I will be crushed.
I just want to know if any one of you have experienced falling for a friend whom you did not have those feelings for in the beginning.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): Some people are meant to be just great friends, which isn't a bad thing. Other friendships can turn into great relationships...and others can ruin a great friendship. There is no way of telling which category you fall into.
If you enjoy being with him...don't dwell on a "title" or "label." Cherish what you have!
Good Luck
Britt
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): "yes, we have to just be friends because I am not certain I want more at this time from anyone." You lied to him because you knew that if you let him know you wanted more and were falling in love with him he'd stop seeing you because he doesn't reciprocate. You are falling in love with a man that doesn't feel that way about you and you can't change who you are. I suggest you date others and maybe take some space from this guy because you'll get your heart broken when he finds a girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, lena1 +, writes (13 April 2009):
 the friendship can be developed,you just give him enough time tell he feels ready for another relationship,i think he likes you too but he is just afraid to start a relationship .so i think you wait little more and if he did not say any thing then express to him your feeling . good luck
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