A
female
age
41-50,
*mg1980
writes:Hi, i'm 31 and my partner of 12 years is 30 and quite frankly we just dont have a normal sex life anymore. Currently we havent had sex in probably over 4 months (maybe longer!!) and i'm starting to think he maybe having an affair.His line of work makes it more than possible as his out of the house most of the time and if im honest he has had affairs before at the beginning of our relationship.... but i always knew instinctively, this time however im not getting those feelings but something must be wrong surely...... could i just be ignoring the signs subcontiously??I am currently 7 months pregnant, but with our first 2 children we always had sex during pregnancy so i cant see why that would change things now! Our sex life has been this way for about 3 years nows and like i said it can be months at a time that we dont have sex, however when we do it always feels great.... it just isn't regular like it has been at the beginning of our relationship.I have spoken to him about this and he always kind of just fobs it off, his been tired, his been stressed, he doesn't want to make me feel uncomfortable during pregnancy (even though ive told him it doesn't). He has also told me that on occasions he pleasures himself because his come home late and im sleeping etc...... but ive also asked him to wake me if thats the case and i would rather he didnt when i would prefer to pleasure him, but still nothing!I really need some advice here.... i've even started thinking if it's not an affair could he be secretly gay? I'm not blowing my own trumpet but im not an ugly girl and male attention is never short, i have a good figure with curves in all the right places, i just really dont understand why he isn't finding me sexually attractive any more.Please help!
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (26 June 2012):
I dont think hes gay but you need to find out if he is having an affair given his previous history. I hope for yours and your kids sake he is not. good luck x
A
female
reader, kmg1980 +, writes (24 June 2012):
kmg1980 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone your replies have really helped! and ms/mr anonymous i think you could be right with suggesting i initiate things more. Things have been quite stressful regarding financial situations for quite a while so maybe that has affected his sex drive..... so i guess it's bring on the blowjobs and see if that can help kick start things and if not then maybe counselling might be the answer.
Once again thanks for taking the time to help xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2012): I don't think he is gay, and I don't think he is having an affair. I think he has just totally levelled off into living next to you, but just keeping himself to himself a bit. Do you ever pleasure yourself without him? Probably, and you would think it odd if he told you you weren't allowed to do that, because that is just your relationship with your own body, and it is kind of up to you. He has told you he does the same, but even if he hadn't told you, I think it's a natural thing and it doesn't mean he doesn't want you.Sounds like he works hard, travels, and you have two kids and another on the way. All big responsibilities, all quite tiring. I honestly think he is just a bit tired, and very comfortable with you.But: I agree that sex is important - it is the core of your relationship. I think, therefore, you could try being proactive, approaching him, taking the initiative, and even if you're tired, making sure you initiate and perhaps eg, give him a blowjob before sleep ... at least two or three times a week ... and see how that goes. Sometimes you need to make an effort to make sure sex happens, because it is too easy to fall asleep.So I don't think you should worry about his feelings towards you, but i do think you should start taking action to bring sex into your lives more frequently. And to be honest I think talking about it isn't necessarily the best way - just do it.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (24 June 2012):
 Encourage your partner to visit the Doctor for a full medical. Maybe get him to come along with you next time you have your next appointment.
I think it is more likely that something medical needs checking out.
He still should be fit and healthy. But has he put on weight recently? Or had work issues worrying him? Or are there any financial or other family pressures on him?
Once he has has a long appointment at the doctors and he has had a range of tests then at least you will know if it is medical or something else.
Please try couples counselling before jumping to conclusions.
He really may just be tired and overwhelmed with what he thinks are too many responsibilities. And as you are pregnant he does not want to worry you with his worries
Keep your powder dry and just be quietly supportive until you have more facts to go on.
With his partner pregnant and two children plus another one on the way I doubt he has time for an affair with anyone.
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