A
female
age
51-59,
*ukie
writes:Hi everyoneMe and my hubby are very close and still very much in love after almost 22 years...He is the kind of man that wants to hold my hand,always touch me and always tell me how how much he loves me.our sex life is better then ever before.We are alone in a new city because of his work,once a month we go to our home city to visit our children...I always leave a week or two before him or i stay a little longer.....Early in this year, when i came back from such a visit,..(I came back the Saturday )..Monday morning when i was busy with laundry I discovered my husbands damp wrung out underwear on the side of the bath,(when im not there he takes his clothes to a laundromat)...there were scattered stains that looks like dark blood all over the crotch of the underwear. I turned it inside out and there i found white and yellowish stains that appears to look like semen.When he came home i asked him about it and he claimed he didnt know what it was, it could be mold,..i told him mold would be allover and not ONLY on the crotch area...A jacket also mysteriously disapeared and all he says is he doesnt know where it is... Its now months later...and the more i think about it the more i start to wonder if i am in denial of something that might have happened while i wasnt here.. i gave him the benefit of the doubt because,....will any man, if he cheated, leave such evidence in the bathroom while both of us were in that same bath over that weekend.....ive had minor trust issues with my husband but never about cheating, that never crossed my mind.....this is starting to affect me in a negative way, and my husband is not aware that i feel this way...he has never changed towards me,and is still the loving man that ive always knew...am i driving myself crazy or is there a possibility that my husband strayed.
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female
reader, kukie +, writes (26 September 2011):
kukie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank everyone for their answers,..i feel so good.i shouldve written a long time ago instead of allowing (like one of the posters said),..a tiny seed of doubt to grow and start to affect me.I realize now how even the strongest marriages can crumble if you dwell on negative thoughts...I told my hubby everything and felt really bad because i could see the disappointment in his face when he asked me "how can you doubt me when i live for you and without you i am nothing"...i know he loves me more then anything...and so do i....thanx again!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2011): If that is the only thing, I would forget it. Tell yourself the most likely story...maybe he had a mishap and is embarrassed. Then believe in him, and believe in the love of your marriage. If you don't, you will drive yourself crazy and it WILL manifest into other areas of your life. You will start to doubt more and more. It will be like a tiny little seed that spreads to be a poisonous weed in your life and marriage. It sounds like you have a wonderful marriage.... treasure it, love your husband, love him by trusting him and keep the wonderful marriage you have. IF, IF, it turns out he was unfaithful, he will change. IF your husband wanted someone else, he would distance himself from you. The truth will unfold....and IF it turns out to be different to what you believe (which is he is a faithful husband), THEN you can deal with it. But not before. Do YOURSELF a favour, trust in the goodness of this man you love, and keep loving him. Don't allow something like that, to CREATE something that isn't there. Believe that a deceitful husband would have hidden the evidence better. Enjoy all the wonderful things that you have, look at the bigger picture.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2011): you're over reacting and being paranoid. Maybe your husband is cheating on you (I mean that's always a possibility for ANY marriage and no one should ever be complacent about their spouse or marriage), but it's certainly not a given just from what you found. Sounds more like he might have a medical condition - especially the blood - that he should get checked out by a doctor.
Ask yourself why despite having such a great relationship for so many years, your first and most persistent thought is that your husband has committed adultery? Despite his explanations? This is not consistent with having a great relationship. If you really had a great relationship with your husband why dont' you believe him?
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (23 September 2011):
 Well after 22 years, you should know when he's lying to you. He fed you a lie about the underwear. Did he lie about the jacket?
Has he done anything before to make you question the trust? Because having a good loving marriage, going on 22 years, your husband committing adultery wouldn't cross your mind.
It's possible you're being paranoid and it's possible that he may be cheating. You have once piece of circumstantial evidence...that's not enough to accuse him of cheating. If I were you I would come back a little bit early, unannounced from staying with your children. Just to see what he's doing while you're gone.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (23 September 2011):
 What you described sounds more like a medical issue.
I would look for other signs if you really suspect cheating.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 September 2011):
 Hmm...had you asked for advice before confronting him with what you had (i.e. the missing jacket and the underwear), I'd say not to talk to him until you had other evidence.
A smart husband who had actually cheated wouldn't leave underwear in the bathroom. He would have thrown it out or had it washed immediately. The blood is even more disconcerting, to be honest.
Had I seen what I seen (blood and what looked like semen), I would have wondered if he had a health problem, not a girlfriend. Do you know what else looks like semen?? Pus. If there hadn't been blood, that would have been one thing, because it's a stretch that some woman in the heavy flow of her period and he ground together in their underwear to the point of ejaculation.
This sounds to me less like cheating and more like him hiding a serious medical issue involving his penis. However, keep your eyes open, because I could be wrong. If you don't watch the finances, you'd better. And, keep your eyes open for any sort of deviation from his patterns (i.e. staying late at work, locking his phone, being evasive on the computer, ultra late nights).
If he hasn't had a physical or seen his doctor in years, now might be the time.
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