A
male
age
41-50,
*evin0186
writes:ive been maried to my wife for eight years now. Ever since ive met her she has had a trust isue. I guess i always hoped she would see me for who i am and learn to trust me. She claimed to have had bad relationships before me. In a way i think i was paying for their sins. She constantly would accuse me of cheating,constantly! I have done everything i could through the years to prove that i love her and that she was all i wanted. But nothing could make her trust me . She took some medicene for a while after our second child that made things a lil beter. But she wouldnt stay on it i guess it hurt her pride to much to admit she had a problem. I tried a ffew times to leave her , but couldnt bring myself to do it. I loved her to much and didnt want to hurt my two girls by leaving. A couple of months bck i was workin out of town , and it was the same ol same ol with her she kept accusing me and giveing me hell and all i was doing was working my butt off to give my family what they need ed . I had had enough i told her i wanted a divorce . But as uesual she started crying and said she was sory ,and she wuld get back on her meds. I gave in as i always do . But it was a little diferent this time i wasnt settled i couldnt stop hurting from being accused all those years . So i did what iwas accused of i cheated !! Well kinda i couldent even get an erection from thinking of her , but i came close enough to call it cheating . And then i told her what i had dome and left her . And now im hurting bad and i dont know if i have done the rite thing . As far as her forgiving me thats not happening . Ive tried to say im sory but now in her eyes im a cheeter and she cant forgive me . ... Is there anything i could have done beter did i do wrong by what i have done ...... Please help thank you i dont know
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): maybe she will say that she always knew you would cheat on her and you did. you cannot say she drove you to it, you freely cheated so plse do not blame her.
(eg. we women are always trying to lose weight, we eye that piece of chocolate cake, thinking should i or shouldn't i, in the end i know i cannot resist any more and i indulge. my friends knew i will indulge but i cannot blame them. i made the decision to eat what i shouldn't have.)
in the round about way i am sayin, you had a choice, and you indulged. your wife did not put a gun to your head. she is hurting and you need to give her time. it will take a while but maybe you need to ask yourself whether you are totally committed to her, do you want to work on your marriage. for now plse give her space. you have really really hurt her and you need to be aware of this. have you considered marriage counselling? then maybe this will be a start. lack of trust stems from either something/ someone in her life betraying her or you did something in yours/ early in your r/ship with her. and she has not forgiven. if this marriage is worth saving, then you need to fight to save it. and tell her you love her. you need to reinforce this everyday.
A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (20 June 2009):
 It sounds as if this relationship was a non starter in the first place. Trust as they say is the basic foundation in any relationship, and as she never really trusted you and this in turn effected you, you acted out what she expected.
From what you say, it looks like you tried to be patient with her, but unfortunately she does have her own issues.
You did what you did, right or wrong, cheating is wrong however you wanna define it.
But thats the past now, you've apologised all you can do now is concentrate on being a good father to your children and being there for them, and making it clear to your wife that you love her and always will, give her time.
Let fate lead the way.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): Trust is a necessary part of a relationship. She made you feel like a stranger by not treating you like she was in a relationship with you. Not to say you're completely blameless, but it takes two people to make things work. Sounds like you were trying hard to be a good man. I say ditch the guilt, take care of your children no matter what, and be glad that you're free.
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