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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi all!I'm really hoping that someone can give me some advice about something. Basically I'm engaged to someone and this other guy I know is also engaged. Me and this other guy have known each other for about 8 years now and we've had a few flings over the years and I used to think I was in love with him because I had such strong feelings for him and I fancied him so much, the chemistry between us was electric. But now I think it could just have been lust on his part because we've never had any kind of relationship apart from numerous passionate encounters. I eventually realised that I had to try and switch my feelings off because every time something happened between us this guy really upset me because he'd be so unbelievably hot on me until something happened then he'd just go really weird on me and disappear like he had some sort of commitment problem. A few years have gone by and I've tried to stop thinking about him and get on with my life..like I said before, I've met someone else who I love (more as a friend than a lover although I know I love him) and we are now engaged. However there have been some rare occasions when I've been on a night out and I've bumped into this other guy again like the other nite. As soon as I see him all my feelings for him come flooding back so strongly and I get butterflies and I get so excited. As much as I try to ignore him I can feel him staring at me and there is this amazing chemistry. The other night I'd had a few drinks and my friend said I was acting like a love sick puppy all night! I went into the ladies cubicle and I felt really depressed about it because I didn't want to feel like that, but I couldn't help it. Later on I bumped into him in a club and he followed me upstairs to this quiet bit of the club and we ended up kissing. It was so amazing I didn't even care who saw me. We then had a little walk and we were holding hands and just doing that was the best feeling in the world. Nothing sexual happed but the next day I felt so angry with myself for letting it happen. Why does this keep happening though? He has never shown signs of wanting commitment, or we could have been together years ago. Now he's got engaged to someone else and I'm doing the same because there is no point in waiting for something that isnt going to happen. What I can't understand is why he didn't want a relationship with me and yet he's in a relationship with someone else and makes it quite obvious that he's got the hots for me and feelings for me? Can he be in love with his fiancee if hes acting like this with me?
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male
reader, Alasmar +, writes (21 August 2006):
NO, he is not in love with his fiancee nor with you.
you just said it. HE FEELS THE HOTS AND HE JUST WANTS TO HAVE AS MANY AS HE CAN INCLUDING YOU AND HIS FIANCEE.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2006): Love to a structured society, especially in religion dictates it's one person for another in intimacy. Yet love is a strong sense of wanting that can incorporate more than just one thing or more than just one person. Love is like a spectrum of colours - with one 'end' being raw lust and the other 'end' being complete connection.
Different people will give you different ideas. It's always possible to love more than one person on different levels. It's really just about how you love them, why, and what the connection really is about.
Back on topic, I can tell you that it's really easy to be with someone and be romantic with 10 other women/men at the same time. It's all about willingness and risk. It's also about personalities.
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