A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am so ashamed of what I have done. I have been in a common law relationship with someone for about 20 years. Very rocky relationship with him suffering from drug addiction. Long story short I had an affair with someone from my past it went on for about 5 years and now I have his baby. My commonlaw husband was in rehab when I found out and have yet to come clean. He thinks it is his baby. I am 100% sure it is not. We did not have sex at the time because of his drug addiction. The father of my child has yet to see the child. He says he will someday, and says he loves her and will love her from afar. I am so stupid that I continue to want to have some kind of communication with him. I dont want to care about him. My commonlaw husband loves this child so much, even though he is a drug addict who has been clean for 8 months, he has been more of a father than biological father.I know it is not right to let him raise this baby. I dont want to communicate with father of my baby, I dont want to text him. But something in me wants to text him. I have sent him pictures of his child. Sometimes he will answer and sometimes not. I guess he is now in a relationship with someone who saw one my texts/pics of the baby. I got several texts from his phone asking who I am. I didnt answer until the next day when he texted me asking me not to text him anymore. I dont want to text him but I just cant stop. How can I move on? I love my family and I am learning to love my husband again. I dont want to think about the biological father anymore. I dont want him to have anything to do with my baby. He isnt even on the birth certificate. Any advice to help me move on will be appreciated. I know what I did is inexcusable and deceiving my husband into thinking that this child is his is even worse. I know that I need to come clean I have to suck it up and do it, even if it means the end of my family. I hate that I think about this other person almost daily. I dont want to care about him. Please help.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 August 2012):
 The dad knows about the child and don't give a darn about your or the baby.
You husband whom you have stood by for 20 years THINK the child is his, that is not fair. I mean it's great if the thought of a child got him clean, but living a lie is not right. So you DO need to fess up and do the dna testing.
The bio dad, should pay child support.
I know that in regular and common law marriages a child conceived during the "marriage" is considered to be the child of the two parties in the marriage. We have a friend who pays child support for a child that biologically isn't his, but was conceived while they were married.. It really depends on the state.
MORALLY you need to tell him. Or do you intend to not tell the child either some day? Let HER live a lie too?
Time to woman up.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2012): Your child has a father. A father is a person who acts like a father, not necessarily the person who donated their sperm. Why deprive your child of the only father she knows because of your guilt and shame? Yes, the truth shall set you free but at the expense of victimizing and ostracizing your daughter. Your husband was willing to overlook the fact you got pregnant while you weren't having sex with him, so why rub things in his face. He let it go and so can you. He doesn't want the nasty details revealed. Forgive yourself and do what's best for your daughter and be the best parent you can be.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 August 2012):
 Look at the answers from a similar queston today ;
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-i-tell-him-he-isnt-the-father.html
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2012): You can move on by doing the only morally acceptable thing in this situation. Tell everyone the truth and start dealing with the consequences of it.
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