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Constant emotional turmoil... how do I control myself?

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Question - (11 March 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 11 March 2010)
A female Saint Vincent and the Grenadines age 51-59, *tillgivinthanks writes:

what happens in a relationship when a man and a woman get upset with each other practically every week? that is happening in my relationship and sometimes it scares me. because i want our special love to be forever. he has been saying to me that he cant take on this anymore each week because its draining him. he have to deal with getting back together, being happy for a day or two then back to getting upset again. he says its too much emotion to deal with the switching on and off. i am every emotional person and i get upset at him sometime for no apparent reason. and yes my emotion do change just like that and it seems i cannot control it. i just goes from being happy, to tempermental, vex, bitchy, spiteful, jealous, controlling just like that it will change into one those feeling in a jiffy, by what he said or whats going on in my mind. often i ask myself is something wrong with me. why do i hurt the one i love so much. how do i control so much emotional turmoil?

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (11 March 2010):

Laura1318 agony auntYou may have Multiple Personality Disorder or a newer term ,Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)

A person suffering from Multiple Personality Disorder undergoes change in personality in just a few seconds

I think you should visit a therapist.

reference;

http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/9-24-2004-59666.asp

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/coping-with-dissociative-identity-disorder.html

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A male reader, Kenj United Kingdom +, writes (11 March 2010):

Kenj agony auntYou need to look at why your changing your mood swings, is there a trigger? Is it a medical reason?

It sounds like he is not starting the upsets, but more reacting to your mood canges.

It can be hard for a guy to hear his girlfriend telling him what to do all the time, and in those cases its probabably not a relationship that will last because he will end up leaving because hes been driven away by you.

How often do you see each other?

Do you live together?

If its too much time together too soon then this could be the cause. Even married couples spend time apart from each other, its called "me" time and its important to keeping a good relationship otherwise the other person feels overwhelmed quite quickly.

Relationships do have arguments and disagreements but it shouldnt be every week, this seems a lot.

If you feel your mood is about to change, then go outside, get some fresh air, calm down before coming back to see him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010):

To be quite honest, I think you might be in an abusive relationship - of the emotional (and not physical) variety. You can read and find information about it here:

http://www.ocalynchburg.com/images/DV-cycle.gif

I am telling you this because I have been a victim of emotional abuse - the type where he would yell at me for messing up silly things like not seeing a handicap parking sign while parking. The first step is to admit that you are being abusive. And the second is to seek counseling or read books on anger management and emotional abuse to get an understanding of where you are coming from. Being introspective (scary as it may sound because you might be going places in your past that you hoped to forget) is really the only way to move on from there.

Sadly there is more information online available for people who have been abused than for the abuser to take active steps to change that action. Speaking with a psychologist will definitely help.

Also, admit to him that you are abusive, and make concrete plans to change, such as attending weekly therapy sessions, having a 'safe' word to say when something seems to be spiraling out of control so you can stop and take a minute to calm down, etc. It is psychologically proven that anger is fast to escalate but takes 45 minutes to calm down - that is why when something makes us angry even if we realize we shouldn't be angry, we need time to mentally get over it.

Good luck...

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