A
female
age
30-35,
*exi suga
writes:Hi everyone I have used this site previously however I haven't been online in a very long time. I am just looking for some advice on something that may seem small to others but it is a huge deal to me, so here goes.For the last 4 months I have been getting to know a guy after we spoke on a social networking site about our religious views. We had been getting along brilliantly and we both new we had intentions of being together. He said he was very shy and didn't feel comfortable meeting up straight away, which was fine as we were talking every day and just really getting to know each other. We had put a date in the diary for the 3rd of August for "our first date." However 4 weeks ago he was told that his employment would not be renewed. His last day at work was Mondat last week. we still carried on talking during those 4 weeks and it was fine. Yesterday however, I got a long message stating that he needs to focus on his career and can not jungle getting to know me and finding a career. I was soo shocked by the message as it was totally out of the blue and unexpected as just the day before he was saying how much we "click" and get along." I reiterated to him whether that was the real reason or was it just a blow off. He reassured stating that he needs to find a job and he still thinks we work so well together. I offered to lend my support like a "friend/ more" should however he claimed he didn't need help and just wanted to do this. I tried messaging to say that I wont hinder him in anyway and Im not a high maintenance kinda girl but he hasn't responded and completely shut me off. To be truthful I am a little taken back, shocked and confused as we were getting along great and it was random. Can anyone shed some light on this situation or explain how I should react or make sense of it? he has ignored 2 of messages today and that's never like him?
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at work, lost his job, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2013): Sometimes men have problems expressing themselves and don't realize how it effects you. I'm sure losing his job didn't
help either one of you. And I have been there a guy I like
was ignoring my texts and we always communicated on a very
good level. You have done all you can. I too gave up on a
guy that stopped messaging me. I got tired of trying to
figure him out.
A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (10 July 2013):
 That's the best thing that you could do. Just leave it as it is and stop investing in it until he either comes around, or you find someone better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2013): I think that message is great and pretty much what I would've said! It shows that you care for him but you're also getting a bit of closure for yourself, so you can get on with other things :)
As I say it is still bad manners on his part but hey what can ya do... It's not a reflection on you. I'm sure he'll contact you in time- if not, he's not the greatest guy you think he is.
:) xx
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A
female
reader, sexi suga +, writes (9 July 2013):
sexi suga is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell it is the third day in where he has ignored me and my messages :( so I sent him a final message and said... " I know you miss me lots and lots as I am amazing lol however a wise person once said if a person doesn't message back take a hint, so I am going to try that... when you are ready to talk message or call and we can pick up where we left off, in the interim good luck and I await ur message."
He has read it and again no response so I have decided just to leave him me now :( as hard as it is I cant make him message or respond back..
thank you all for your advice :)
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (9 July 2013):
He did the right thing. If this is a guy that you want to be with, then you should be very proud of the fact that he was able to admit the toll that losing his job took on him. Stick by him while he looks for a job. The reason that he's not in a relationship with you now is because he knows that you would come to resent him over time, because it would come to you paying for things for a while, and that's not something that he's prepared for. Once he finds a new job, then try pursuing a relationship with him. Don't make him feel like he's in the friend zone if you're willing to wait. Stick by him, but give him space, and then once he's employed again, ask him out on a date, then go from there. That alone will show loyalty and something that's really rare in a woman nowadays.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2013): Be assured you've done nothing wrong here and from my experience I genuinely believe that he really is down in the dumps about his job- and genuinely feels that he just hasn't got the mental/ emotional energy to put into a relationship and his career. I am exactly like this; i centre my life around trying to better and improve myself and a big part is building a career. I've been out with two blokes where I just said "work is causing me a lot of stress, need to focus- i genuinely cant do this at the moment"-It genuinely sounds to me that he's probably had pressure put on him from his parents, is he from a strict religious family? Therefore he takes it very seriously and may well be just really depressed- you both clearly have a good connection and it seems as though he feels for you, from what he's said...Although to completely ignore texts is very bad manners and very unfair and not in the least reassuring - would you want a relationship with someone like this? How long has he ignored them for? Maybe he does intend to reply, it's only two messages, maybe he's just very down and wants to withdraw from people; I really wouldn't worry, as everyone's different- a lot of people when suffered a blow need to go to their mate's, need to ring be with people- I'm the exact opposite- I just wan2 forget and withdraw. But hey I'm a depressive... Lol :/ Don't worry about it seriously, there's nothing you can really do but just be friendly atm and offer him support if he replies to you or asks for it. Xx
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