A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:About 6 weeks ago, my boyfriend and I were out at a party and we both got very intoxicated and ended up fighting. I decided to leave the party because I was really embarrassed about this, and went back to my apartment building, which my boyfriend also lives in. I went to my room and locked him out and he started banging on the door, so I let him in because I did not want him to wake the neighbors. We end up yelling, and I told him I did not really care about him at all and he slapped me! I was so shocked (he has never come close to this before), so I immediately stopped fighting and started kissing him and told him I'd go to his apartment upstairs after I got dressed for bed. I just wanted him out! When I didn't come up, he banged on my door for an hr and a half before he finally went to bed. I broke up with him when we were both sober the next morning, but we ended up getting back together a week and a half later. He of course apologized and admitted that he is scared to death of how he behaved. He is currently in substance abuse counseling and has not picked up a drink since the incident, despite several opportunities to do so. Nonetheless, I am still really frightened because as they say "once a hitter, always a hitter." I really want to believe that is not true, especially because he is trying so hard to better himself after the incident and we have not even fought once. But at the same time, I am really scared this is just the "honeymoon phase" and it might happen again.I was just wondering if anyone had a similar experience with this and should I give him the benefit of the doubt, given his good behavior?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): My old Italian grandfather said once...a man who drinks too much can change...a man who cheats on his wife can change...but a man who hits his wife will never change (I am paraphrasing because it had to be translated into English for me) I was just a kid when he said that but I always remembered it, but didn't really believe it. Until in my own life...the abuse began. Once it began, it never stopped. I have spent many hours with abused woman and counselers...I have NOT heard of one case where the abuser changed! Infact if anyone knows of a case, I would love to hear about it!
Now your situation was a little different. You were both drunk, you said something that may have caused him to lash out without thinking...a reflex action...I have done that myself.
He sounds truly remorseful, he is trying to get help. That's a good sign! Maybe he may need anger management classes, maybe not. The elimination of alcohol may be the solution.
Having said that, Please! If he ever raises his hand to you again get as far away from him as possible!
I wish you both the best of luck!
A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (20 April 2009):
 Yeah, give him another chance.
They say, "Once a cheater, always a cheater" but that is not true either.
Now if he hits you again, LEAVE.
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