A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have wrote on here before and got some really good advice, but im afraid i need help again over the same sort of problem.For background see http://www.dearcupid.org/question/confused-about-my-ex-and-feel-really-blue.htmlwell its been longer now and i thought i was doing much better great even! I've been on a few dates with this really nice guy (but taking it real slow i think i might just want him as a friend as no chemistry) and have heard more stuff on my ex (really hard to avoid we share some similar friends, however me and ex have no contact), and he is going on many dates with new girls which never bothered me at all. It was almost a relief like I could finally let go. I than heard he is doing things with them that I always wanted to do with him but he wouldn't do when we were together, calling them silly or putting them off by going "maybe one day" like salsa dancing trips away (plans for travelling) and generally trying new things.I dont know why this got to me so much I think these are things i wanted but he thought it was too much effort, but now he does these things with new (ppl/person not sure) with no effort at all. it just seemed to hurt and now im thinking that maybe im not over my ex like i thought. It has been nearly 7 months or so and i dont know whats wrong with me. it seems to be a struggle for me to completely let go and not care, but he is fine and got over it almost instantly. I dont want him back at all and dont contact him or even want to. I'm just so confused while i still feel like this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008): Could you possibly ask your mutual friends to stop giving you updates on your ex? That seems to be the best way to stop the torment.
It's plainly a blow to your ego that your ex would roll out the red carpet for these new girls but not you. You just have to remember that once he has another steady girlfriend he'll be as lazy and selfish as he used to be. People will be a lot more charming when trying to pick up dates than they are after 4 years.
However, he probably learned from his association with you that girls dig things like salsa dancing, so he's just using it as chick bait. That IS incredibly annoying, but again you just have to do what you can to not hear about it and to move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand what your saying and agree. i did go ahead and do this things when i was in the relationship but he made me feel silly for doing them and accused me of not spending time with him so i cut back on then to do things he wanted like spend time at his clubs with his mates etc... slowly i cut out my things and ended up doing stuff he wanted (stupid i know now). yet he is freely doing these things with other people it just makes me feel bad as he was part of my life for 4 years and after only months he is doing other things it makes me feel bad and like i was was not worth the effort...i dont know why i know it's not my business anymore.
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