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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My bf and I have been together for about 11 months. He is 17, and I'm 16.Ever since my cousin got pregnant at 18 I've wanted to be a young mum. This came up in conversation with my bf and he has said he wants to be a young dad as well, which I don't find unusual at all for him as he is great around kids. He has a 2 year old nephew which he loves to bits and is constantly talking about him.What I'm wondering is if this is wrong at all. We can both picture us together for a long time and we have a great bond. I feel like if we are planning it we can be more prepared then just having an unplanned pregnancy, we can set up finacially and mentally as well. I want to finish school before I have a child but we both want one before we are 20. This may mean we could be having one in the next two or three years.Any comments or opinions on our choice would be great.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): My Baby Wasnt Planned.i got pregnant at the age of 13. I Regret have my daughter so young but i wouldnt change her for the world. She Is Now 2 and a Half Years Old. Scarlett is the best thing that happend to me but luckily i have alot of help from my boyfriend and family. Just Think Before, Its Alot Of Hard Work.And When I Say Alot I Really mean it! x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2009): the best thing for you to is to 1 wait and 2 talk to your parents about it ; im a 15 and four months pregnant i wasnt expecting it and im not with the father of my baby you may think that your ready and your really not trust me its gonna be very hard ; you seem like u have a preetty good head on your sholuders but wanting a kid at 16 is not the best thing ; but im thinkin maybe u shud jus talk to your parents about it if you can ; but if u 2 really want a kid not go for it ; hopefully it turns out great
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female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (3 June 2009):
 Being a young mum is great (I had my daughter at 17) and you do sound very mature but it's not all fun. If you're really set on having a baby then you'll do it no matter what anybody says but you need to really think about all the things you're giving up. While all you're friends are partying, travelling etc, living their lives the way most young people do, you won't be able to do any of that. Your boyfriend sounds like he's great with his nephew but having a child of your own and looking after somebody elses are completely different things and looking after all the kids in the world could not prepare you for having your own child who is 100% dependent on you for everything. I think you should wait at least another couple of years, good luck! x
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female
reader, pebble +, writes (3 June 2009):
 This is an interesting question, let me tell you a little bit about my situation.
I'm 19 and 12 weeks pregnant. My baby wasn't planned, I was on the pill but my partner (he's 23) and I are still over the moon about it. And I mean absolutely ecstatic, we're excited and ready to take on every fun time and rubbish times that lies ahead of us.
We're not married but have recently moved in together (about 3 months ago). We don't intend to get married for a long time, in the long term future we probably will but not now. We just don't feel the need to do it. I have absolutely no doubt that we're serious about each other, he's proved that to me in other ways, we've been together two years, we're both tied into this property, we share a car, a joint bank account and savings account and no decison is made in our house without taking the other person into consideration. I know that if he wasn't 100% sure about me being his future then he wouldn't have done all this stuff with me.
We both work, him full time and me part time, but I also run an online business from home when I'm not in my normal job. We earn a reasonable amount, not fantastic, but enough to keep us comfortable for now. We're under no illusion that it will be difficult when the baby arrives and I will not be able to work. Because of this my partner is searching for a better paying job at the moment. It may take a while but he is trying.
What I've found, even at only 12 weeks, is that EVERYONE has old baby stuff that they want to get rid of. For us, it's been free stuff galore. We've already got a wardrobe, steriliser, blankets, storage units for nappies and stuff, a baby bath and a baby bouncer. We've been offered lots of clothes aswell but will only accept them when we know what the sex is. It really does help.
So that is my situation. Make what you will of it.
I think my opinion on the whole thing is that it's fine and great saying 'only have a child when you're in the perfect situation' but if everyone waited until then the human race would have died out. In real life, the ideal situation doesn't happen for most people sadly. It's a bit naiive to think otherwise. My mother brought me up not wanting for anything and she was on her own with an illness that prevented her from working. So I'm sure that two parents with three jobs can do it too.
Of course, it's silly to go ahead with it if you will struggle and cannot provide a happy life. But if realistically, you will manage then I don't see a problem.
Good luck :)
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (3 June 2009):
Ok, if you have a baby at 18 you'll be rid of it at 38.
So before you have this child then you need qualifications that mean you can go back to work in a few years time. Money does not grow on trees and kids get VERY expensive as they grow older.
So you need to make sure you can work if you choose and earn a decent wage - ie. not cleaning toilets.
He needs to get a job that can pay for rent, bills, tax, YOU, PLUS all the baby stuff you need. If he's just faffing about in a crap job then tell him to get out there and prove he can provide. You can't just expect to sponge off your parents or the state. It's selfish and pathetic.
Also, you don't say where you are from in the world. But in most places it is HIGHLY advisable to be married. Babies are great in theory but has he heard one screaming for 3 hours at 3am with you getting stressed out at him to help and he has to be up at 7am to go to work?
If you are not married then he can simply walk away and send you a few quid a month to make up for it.
My view is that some people just don't want to have a life or see the world or achieve anything more than having crazy monkey sex and popping out babies. That's fine, if it makes you happy then go for it. As long as your support yourself and don't use my tax money to pay for it.
The one thing I am going to tell you to wait for is that 11 months is NOT a long time. Most relationships last between 2 and 4 years. Then the feeling of being in love just goes away, and you start meeting and falling for other people instead. Not good when you have a toddler having a tantrum in the background.
So... if you want to be a teen mum then go for it. Wait till you have moved in together and got married and have a good money coming in to pay for it. And wait until you have been together a few years so you know you are not going to be a single mum for the next 20 years.
If you set the deadline of being 18 as when to start trying then you have time to work hard, get some savings, get some baby stuff, get it all sorted out and then you will be giving a child a good start in life and not being selfish and bringing it into a crap situation just because YOU want it there.
Good Luck!! xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2009): Ok.... either your career then financial stability or.... the drudgery of no money and no career and a kid to take care of....
Rather finish your studies before having children, you are both really far to young and inexperienced to consider bringing a child into this world.
At the moment it is just a fun idea - remember this fun idea will be dependant on you for at least 18 years!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2009): This advice is coming from a 20 year old mom whos single and still in high school. There are many things you have to consider before becoming a teen parent. My son is 18 months. My parents both live with me and my little sister. My son is solely my responsibily, I had to get up every two to threee hours to feed him, change his diaper etc. Easy I can do that you are saying, wrong, after the first three weeks your body is exhausted you cant take it any more. Economically you are by all means far away from making enough to care for a baby. I on my own spent nearly 10,000.00 on food, clothes, diapers, crib, etc last year thats about $830.00 monthly. Now you are at the stage where you want to have your alone time to go out to go to the movies etc. I dont remember the last time I went out or did anything for myself because as a responsible parent you dont leave your kid to go have fun. IRRESPONSIBlE. I said I can do that. I am aching to go out. I have lost all of my friends because I have RESPONSIBILITIES. I personally would wait to have a husband a home and have burned the stages that you need to burn as a teen, I miss them I want them back, I cant I have a baby who cries when I leave the room to pee. I cant imagine leaving him to go have fun...babies are cute and great when they arent yours and you dont have to provide for them. My son had surgery when he was 6 months for something he was born with. Can I add that I wasnt planning on surgery for him, over $15,000.00 for the surgery. I dont think that even if I was born working and saved everything I could have payed that off. I wont have a baby like that, WRONG you dont know that I didnt know that and babies arent disposable you cant say theres something wrong, Id like to return him. Im still paying his surgery and my medical bills from when I had him. Over $5,ooo.oo to have him. Unplanned c section. Did I mention I live with both of my parents and they both support me. Yeah. Its not as easy as it seems. YOu have to be all eyes on them because you glance away and they are out the door, or with something that can choke him in his mouth Etc. You guys are not ready. Trust me take it from someone that has the experience, I LOVE MY SON TO DEATH and I wouldnt return him but I would have loved to have had him married with the help of my husband and with a well paying job that only college can get you. Hope this changes your mind and you dont bring a baby to suffer. Wouldnt be fair for him. My son doesnt suffer but thats because I have willingly sacrificed my life for his. That takes a strong teen to give up everything a teen is suppose to be doing.MOD NOTE: I HOPE THE POSTER OF THIS MAKES THIS INTO AN ARTICLE AS IT WOULD BE VERY USEFUL TO BE ABLE TO LINK TO IT AND ANSWER THE MILLIONS OF MUCH YOUNGER TEENS WHO WANT "CUTE LIDDLE BABBIES!!!!! OMG"
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