A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I really need some advice as I am going out of my mind... I have been with my fiance for 4 years now, we have a beautiful little boy together and a home but as much as I know I am lucky to have such a wonderful life, I am not happy, I don't feel attracted to my partner any more, in the beginning I was attracted to my partner because of the way he was, not for what he looked like, yes he is an attractive man but he wasn't the type I would have usually gone for, he is just wonderful in every way, I wanted more than anything for it to work, I had been hurt before and I knew he would take care of me for the rest of my life and he still will but I can't get this out of my head, it's not something I choose to feel, I want more than anything to be attracted to him but I just can't make myself. We have a friend called Olly who is the best friend I have ever had, he grew up with my fiance and in turn I have also become a great friend of his and vice versa, at the beginning it was fantastic to have such a lovely friendship with a bloke but not have feelings for him but over the past couple of months we have been spending a lot of time together, all of which my partner knows about, we will go shopping together if he's got the day off and he spoils my son rotten, he's closer to Brad than his real aunties and uncles but I really think I might be falling for him, I can't stop myself feeling this way and I'm just falling deeper and deeper, he is wonderful, funny, gorgeous, caring, he's got everything my partner has got but I find myself way more attrated to him than I do my partner, I feel so so guilty it's killing me, I can't think straight and I'm being very cold towards my partner, who hasn't a clue what is wrong with me, I can't get out of it, if I tell Olly that it's best if he doesn't come round for a while, he will ask me loads of questions as to why, which is to be expected but I don't think there is any other way, I'm starting to wonder if it's best being honest with my partner and telling him exactly how I'm feeling but then I will hurt him also and we will lose our friend. I don't know what to do, I have got myself in a proper state over it all. All I know is that these feelings I have for Olly are real, we have said on many occasions, even before I started feeling this way that we are (soul mate friends), we are so similar and I can honestly say that I have never in my life met anyone that I connect with as well as I do with him, it's almost like were the same people. Please give me some advice, I'm scared I'm falling out of love with my partner and falling head over heels with Olly. I'm petrified, I would never cheat and have never had feelings for anyone else other than my partners even in the past. I'm so scared, this isn't lust, I know how I feel and it's real and please don't tell me I'm a horrible person for feeling this way, as we all know that sometimes we cannot help the way we feel, if only their was a switch!!... the worst thing is that, Olly has said he would never hurt Jon as they have been friends for too long, of course his loyalties lie with him but he has also made it fairly clear on some levels that he would be interested in me as a partner if I was not with Jon, he has just came out of a long relationship about 8 months ago and I know he is looking for that one person that he can settle with. Advice would me much appreciated, sorry for writing so much just wanted to let you know as much as possible. x
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female
reader, petina1 +, writes (30 November 2008):
 Is it the fact that your soul mate is now available that youre feeling this way. Has he confided in you about the breakup and you are feeling sorry for him. You may be seeing him as a father figure to your son also as he has a good relationship with him. Sounds like some of your feelings that way are on the surface if your friend has mentioned that he would never hurt his mate, your hubby. I have been in this situation before myself but I didnt let anything come of it. And the feelings did fizzle out. Jon is seeing you're family as something maybe he would like for himself, he enjoys being with you all. You know that if anything did happen, all that y ou have now will be destroyed forever and also Olly and Jons friendship will be lost. Try to avoid doing things with this man on your own and encourage your husband to do more with you. Concentrate on your son and put your energies in to his ubringing. You married Olly for a reason, try to remember what those reasons were. You could just be fantasizing about what if'. Deep down you know that it will only cause heartache for the three of you, not to mention how children suffer when their parents split up. hope this helps.
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