A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I married my husband after only knowing each other for five months. We've been together for five years now. He is 26 and i am 29 yrs. old. We've always been arguing from the start about every single thing. I guess it is also because we never really get to know each other until we started living together in one roof. A couple of times already he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore and i always end up begging. I really love my husband, but I just have a hard time trusting him because of the things he did. It's not cheating sexually but doing things considered cheating. He calls me off for being in denial and saying that i am being blinded with my emotions everytime i tell him i still love him and still want to be with him coz i don't wan't to leave and regret later when it's already too late. i admit i gained weight and doesn't look pretty anymore as i once was when he first met me. Because of this, He would look at other women before while i am with him and get sneaky with his emails and act guilty. I am depressed the whole time because of our constant arguing and bickering. He says little comments that are very sensitive to a woman and are very hurtful. We've been to a marriage counseling but it didn't really help. He is currently deployed right now and it is much more difficult that we are far away from each other. Is this considered a midlife crisis? He never cheated on me and there is no third party in our relationship. Thew constant fights and not bringing the best in each other is what he says the reason he doesn't want to be with me anymore. What do i do? I am scared to live my life with regrets and i really love him amidst what i've been through. I know i put him through a lot of hardship as well, since i am not perfect myself..because i've been bitter, hateful, and holds a grudge as the years passed by. There were a lot of things that happened that is too many to mention here.How do i fix this marriage? How do you learn to forgive and forget? When your husband says it does he really mean it? I don't believe we should divorce just coz of indifferences...Why is it that he can't let go of his pride? Am i a fool to beg for him to love me? I never did anything to him besides the fact that I became hateful and suspiscious all the time. I don't want a broken marriage. I grew up without a mom and a father that is always away. All i need is to be loved and accepted and i am capable of reciprocating that love tenfold. I wish he is more sensitive and willing to try harder and not give up right away. Please help. I need some advice. I can only take so much...I might do something I can't control.
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cheated on me, depressed, divorce Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (6 July 2010):
You know what? what you are going to regret, is when you turn 40 and your relationship hasn't gone anywhere and things are worse! and it's kind of like wish i could of would of but didn't. it really takes 2 to make a relationship! and one to walk away if things aren't working? i know it's hard to walk away something you are so use too! it's called a routine and you become comfortable w/ it so you settle for it. don't just settle! i know it will hurt if you wer'e to leave but you do get past it and it does take time but the good thing is when you do get over it for one you have so much peace and 2 you will never go there again and will be very selective and it's ok to be like that and take your time because if you truly love one another he aint going anywhere! and visa versa but that is the best feeling in the world to know that you have trust and communication and you still have your own individuality and when the day is done you meet in the middle. i wish that for you! because i was where you are at one point in my life!
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (3 July 2010):
If you want a breast job! do it for all the right reasons! and you are so welcome. and you will be ok just take care of you. it's hard to do when you are so focused on him, and again you lose yourself. show him what you are made of really think about it? don't you miss you. start smiling alot it's a good feeling and laughing just puts you in a awesome mood it's very up lifting! and when someone says something that brings you down remember thats their opinion not yours so it doesn't count.
Have a good 4th
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Oregongrl1...everything about your advice is true...i will do them...it really helps when i hear these positive advice from other people who can open my eyes to reality...thank you so much...
i just also want to add that the constant criticism i got robbed me off my self-esteem and made me depressed..i can only count within the 5 years of marriage how many times he gave me a compliment..when i don't really feel appreciated inside out, i let go and gained weight..im not fat but i gained weight..i resorted to food and been suffering from bulimia for the past 3 years..it's not easy wen ur husband wants u to be like the models in the magazine or get a breast augmentation..that alone says it all.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (3 July 2010):
Well here's what i would do if you want my opinion! stop worrying so much about losing him because you are driving yourself crazy and it makes you react in the wrong way. and secondly you need to give him some breathing room and stop smothering him and stop putting yourself down men do not like ensecure women! they like a stong woman (right guys)
do this while hes a way don't call him so much let him call you and when he does don't bring up your relationship or ya'lls down falls say things like hows your day and if he says hows yours say im having a good day! trust me you will hear a different tone in his voice. talk about things like the weather like things your going to do the next day like you doing something on your own like being independent don't be clingy? you say you are not happy w/ your weight well do something about it! he's out of town well surprise him start walking excerise around the house back off on what you eat lose some weight enjoy you. people sometimes forget about enjoying their selve's and having a little me time that will be what will make you blossom and your insecurities will fade away slowly and you will be able to handle things differently, and you will see a big difference in your man! he will look at you in a whole different light! how do you think you got him in the first place remember why he feel inlove w/ you we all seem to change and forget who we are once we get married and we take advantage of our marriage and forget our independence and seem to lose our selve's find you again and instead of weeping about it and please don't take that in the wrong way but be strong and pull yourself together and make us sisters proud of you and then one day you can pass this down to another sister when shes down!
Be Strong
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