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female
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anonymous
writes:Heya,I'm a 20 year old woman. When I was about 15- 16 years old, I realised I could not achieve orgasm via touching. At that time, I spent loads of time trying to use my fingers, but nothing would ever happen. So I started using vibrators. They worked really well. When I started having sex last year, I was never able to orgasm during foreplay or the sex itself. I never used vibrators openly with my partners, but I never minded because I would just wait till they left before I used it.However, I'm much more open with the partner I'm with now, and have tried using a vibrator openly with him, but this time nothing happens. I get nervous and feel embarrassed about using it there with him watching, and then I feel even more embarrassed when I'm taking a long time trying to get somewhere but then not being able to come. Also, I get the feeling that he feels a bit frustrated he personally can't make me orgasm, and that the vibrator can, but not when he is around (if that makes sense). So it makes everything awkward!I really don't know what to do. Is there something I can do to make me respond more to touch, so I wouldn't need to use the vibrator.... i.e. make my clitoris more sensitive? Why am I not able to orgasm with him around? What can I do/ What shouldn't I be doing???Please help me out if you can!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): I have found that if you keep trying different things out, normally you can find something that works. A couple of the women I have been with so far were unable to achieve orgasm. They all assured me that it wasn't me, they just have always had difficulty climaxing. Other women I have been with had no problem getting off. I think it just depends on the woman. I did happen to read a post the other day which had some advice that could be useful to you. The woman suggested buying one of those small finger vibes w/e they are called and using it on yourself while he is having sex with you. She said by doing this, all of her bits are stimulated and she can quite easily achieve orgasms. I don't know i guess you would have to make sure he is comfortable with it first.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (24 December 2009):
 This is surprisingly normal. Media will have you think that you're broken if you can't orgasm from sex alone. Well guess what. Only 30% of the sexually active population can orgasm from sex alone! And a much higher number than you would think NEED a vibrator to orgasm. I tried for YEARS to masturbate with hands and various, water methods. Nothing. I would get wet, sometimes get happy feelings, no orgasm. I didn't have my first until I bought a vibe. I showed it to my partner and showed him how to use the thing on me. Since he was using it on me I could relax and enjoy. We now have several and he loves being able to make me orgasm! We experiment a lot, but basically no matter what I can have an orgasm too (yay!). Once I got over my fear of my partner seeing the vibe (it took him a little time, but he loves watching me orgasm so much he doesn't care anymore) I was able to have a very fulfilling sex life. Just experiment and have an open mind. Most guys will surprise you and you'll learn a lot about what "gets you off."
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (24 December 2009):
 You might want to go to a sexshop, there are other types of vibrators. One model "butterfly" is a small vibrating toy that you strap on and then sits in place. Vibrations without it getting in the way.
There are also penis rings with an attachment that bumps into you.
But apart from that. Might you be mentally reluctant to enjoy it? The vibrator might give such intense stimulation that it "forces" a reaction. And if a lack of instant success frustrates you, then you lock up even more and it becomes even harder.
There are technical means to help out, but you might want to check the state of your mind as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): I have tried a hand held shower use that and wow
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): This may help you, too, Satin; might I suggest that you try enlarging your clit to make it more sensitive?
A turkey baster (that thing like a tube with a rubber bulb on the end that you use for basting a turkey) is effective in doing this for you.
Squeeze the bulb, place the open end over your clit and release the bulb: your clit will be sucked out of hiding, engorged and enlarged.
The effect is only temporary (shame!) but it will sensitise your clit. Keep it up on a daily basis, though, and you should see a permanent improvement.
I read that once upon a time the inhabitants of Lesbos, who had no time for men, did it so much that their clits grew into effective penises - for obvious reasons.......
Good luck.
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